For many years, I have been holding on to thoughts and phrases in my mind that have been holding my brain hostage in a very unhealthy way. Finally, I have started the process of learning to finally let them go once and for all and know that while change is hard, sometimes it is for the best.

It can be hard to believe that situations can change when we least expect it. Over nine months ago, when there was a change in my transportation situation, I wanted to hold on to the old ways and not make the transition that I needed to. And while I did it and was quite successful, I held on to many of the thoughts that centered around it for many years without realizing that I needed to start letting them go.

It can be hard to let the thoughts go, especially when they are deeply engrained in the brain and there are social pragmatics involved that are unbeknownst to me. Only believing one side of the story did not help the situation either nor did realizing that I was in places for a reason and not to get mixed up in the energy that once was. It is gone now, but I was still holding the energy of the past in my head without letting it go and realizing that things are much better now and that sometimes, change is going to be fine.

Even at times, change can be a good thing. It can be hard for me as an autistic person to accept that at times, but since the COVID-19 pandemic has changed so many things, I also must be willing to move forward with the times ahead in any regard. If anything, going through so many changes has taught me to be very resilient and never give up when I must do something that is uncomfortable for me.

And while I did what I needed to do, I kept holding onto feelings about the past without realizing that they were not only unhealthy but also hurting me at the same time. Finally being able to speak out to those that were involved in the changes about how I had felt and that I recognized that I needed to let go of feeling that way was important to get out of my system, that some time later, I emotionally wept randomly as a way of feeling good that the emotional baggage that I was carrying about the past was finally over and I could finally accept things for what they are and move on.

My body feels as if there has been this giant weight lifted off me because of having the feelings that I had about the past. Somethings you can’t change about new situations, but you must learn how to work with them and accept them for what they are. If there are struggles, then it is important to communicate them with those that you feel comfortable doing so with. It will feel better in the end.

As I move forward, things are getting so much better, and I feel destined to finally be more of who I know I can emotionally be because of not having to hide the emotions from those that can help me be the person that I need to be. I am ready to finally move on.