As I evolve in my independent life and have become more settled down, I am learning how there are levels of friendships in life and how they must be treated and respected. Not doing so can open myself up to being too vulnerable without understanding the repercussions of knowledge of what I choose to share and not share in my life.

For some autistic people, there is nothing that they want more in life than to have a friendship with someone. But what they do not often know is that there are several types of friendships. Many have a belief that anyone that they meet and have a positive interaction with is their friend. While there may be a connection, there must be an understanding that there are various levels of friendship in life, and they are not the same.

One of the most passe terms is the social media site and app Facebook. A profile is known as a “friend.” But on that site and other social media platforms, the connections in life are not as deep as what a true friend in real life can be. Facebook Friends also have their own levels of connection, but it is not the sole source of connection and belief system to have the desired social connection that is desired by a socially-deficit person.

As hard as it can be for autistic people to connect with others, there is more beyond the surface to know about someone than what someone chooses to share on social media. There is nothing that can replace real connection in the moment and in real life so you can enjoy life so much more. There can be challenges in communication and there is even a reality and fact that just because someone is autistic or has special needs that they are not going to connect, and that is OK.

There needs to be more of an understanding among the special needs / autistic community that not everyone has to be their friend. While it is important to not hurt the feelings of the other party when there is an attempt to have a connection made, there is just a reality that needs to be made that the connection between two parties just isn’t going to work out and that should be delivered in a way that is not abrasive or offensive towards individuals so that they understand that as much as they want connection, it isn’t always possible.

As much as there can be a desire for autistic people to connect, they must do so in their own terms and not be forced to be friends with someone just because it is the desire of those that care for them. While there is the known heartbreak that those that care for autistic or special needs does have, pressuring their loved ones to connect with someone that they may find challenging or insensitive to their needs is only setting them up for more challenging situations for them and their loved one and will cause a more disheartening relationship between the individual and those that care for them.

In the end, it is important to understand the levels of friendship and the fact that not everyone is your real friend. Just because someone thinks that someone may be a good friend is not always true. It is important to be patient and understand that friendship comes on the each one’s own terms and ways of understanding and acceptance of who they want to have in their life.