Over the past few years, my brain has wanted to think about things that are no longer valid or are of concern to me. It wants to think about them to the point that they can ruin the moment when I am with those that I trust because I feel as if the only thing, I can do is express my frustration about what I am thinking. As those I do this to know that it is just my way of thinking, it can frustrate them too because they know that they cannot fix what I am thinking, but what is most important is fighting through the flawed thoughts and working on finding solutions to better my thought process.

The thought process can be very vast and difficult to get through. It can rule my life, especially when I am alone. I will sometimes feel because these thoughts are overpowering my life that those behind the thought process are responsible for finding the satisfaction that I desire, even though there is a concrete understanding that it is just not going to be possible.

At times, my brain cannot think about anything other than these thoughts. This practice is especially evident when I am alone in my own thoughts and cannot easily transition in finding something to occupy my time. It can be hard to understand that I just need to think about something else and I will often rely on my support system to guide me to do so without taking my own initiative to do what I need to do to reframe my thoughts and get back on track.

Sometimes because of the thoughts that are involved, my anxiety will overwhelm me with thoughts of running away from the situation of which I am thinking. It has caused me to nearly run away from situations without discussing what the heart of the concern is with those with which it is involved. I regret in one recent instance that I was not only not taking care of myself, but also not willing to address the issues that are a challenge to me. Eventually through hard work of those that knew me they let me know that I had to work on addressing my concerns and working on relieving the anxiety I am experiencing.

Sometimes, when the thoughts are at their worst, it is all of which I can think. It takes an exceptionally long time to get back to where I need to be. I cannot see that what I am thinking is flawed in nature and to see what is really going on with me. There is difficulty in seeing that I am safe, and all my needs are met. It is also necessary to take the initiative and just do what I need to do to get my mind off the thought process that I am experiencing.

But as of now, I realize that it is important to not let the thought process get deep and effect my ability to enjoy my life. The thought process that I am experiencing is just not worth the energy that I am putting into thinking about flawed thoughts. There is so much more to life than what I am experiencing that in reality is not affecting anyone else in the same way that it is affecting me. Therefore, it is up to me to work at getting through those challenges that I am experiencing and do what I know I need to do to better myself.