Many times, in my life, I have been self-critical of what other people think and not motivated to do what I need to do to make progress or feel happy about the life that I must live. For far too long I was living in a revolving cycle of just doing what I needed to do because I lived under the impression that it was just a necessity. Although it is a necessity, I was unable to see that there are many reasons to be motivated to allow myself to be happy and joyous about my life.

For many years I was angry with myself about what was happening in my life. Although it has been two months since my last relapse, it has taken me to have a deeper relationship myself and realizing that I am indeed a human being and first need to love myself and all the things that are central to my personal needs and caring for myself. If I were not happy with myself, my quirks and all else that was a part of my life, how could I be satisfied with the other pieces of my life that I need to endure?

It is understanding the necessities of having to do things like going to work and day services and the necessity of getting to and from by radically accepting things for what they are instead of always finding the faults with them because of being unwilling to accept them and living greatly in the past, thinking that the old ways are miraculously going to appear again, when it is pretty obvious that it is not.

It is accepting that what is happening in my life is going to a part of my life for the time being and that seeing the benefits of how they work by being satisfied and having a positive attitude towards having to go and do what is needed to be done is allowing me to see that there are good things within what I must endure in life instead of always pointing out all the negative or what is wrong with the situations, especially if I have little to no involvement in them.

I have spent far too much time in the previous weeks worrying about things that I cannot control because of being so bent out of shape with the issues that I cannot fix or thinking about wanting to have things the way that they were, but I am learning that thinking that way is unhealthy and causes undue stress on me that is not necessarily needed or expended on others because I cannot let out the undue stress that just isn’t necessary especially in situations that cannot be changed.

I must learn that I need to be happy with myself and work on bettering myself after many years of not doing so. Experiencing so much over the past several years has made my brain develop so many flawed thoughts without seeing the benefits of the changes that have been made over the years while giving myself the grace that I need to have about the mistakes that I have made over the years. I need to just be happy with my life and motivated to live my life without fear or judgment of others getting in my way of being who I am.