Over time as I am nearly closing out on my fourth decade of living life, I often think of the word Self-Advocacy being used as a buzz word in the realm of what life is for those that have challenges. Throughout the years of learning what self-advocacy is, it was a form of entitlement. Until recently when I had watched an online seminar that was held at my day services three years ago explaining how self-advocacy works.

I am slowly learning that I can use my self-advocacy skills to voice my needs and concerns and I also understand that it does not always guarantee that it is going to solve the feelings that I am experiencing. Oftentimes, I want to express my concerns with something when I am frustrated about it and it can come across to those that I am relaying my concerns to as abrasive because it is not properly addressed in the politest ways that it needs to be and therefore it just makes the other party more frustrated about my frustrations.

In the situations when I feel frustrated about something, I now understand that it is more important to have a cooling off period about the anger that I feeling about something because even though I think something needs to be changed, it is not a guarantee to be made to the way that I think I need to have it. I do also realize that if I take time before expressing my frustration, that I will be calmer about it. This may take up to several days and sometimes I may even know that what I experienced is not the norm, but it may not always be preventable and that everything cannot happen the way it needs to be.

One particularly good example of using my self-advocacy skills is this past weekend when my mother and I went to a restaurant to eat, and we each got a plate of chicken and rice. Because of my motor skills, I have trouble eating certain foods with a fork. The silverware that was at my table only included a fork and a steak knife so after I got the meal and I remember the trouble that I experienced with eating the rice last time, I asked the server for a spoon, to which she brought one as she was available to do so.

Having the spoon to eat my rice made the meal more enjoyable for me and was at minimal disruption to the service staff at the restaurant. As I had learned that while everything is not possible, something that is known to be there such as a spoon can help me assure that my experience was more enjoyable and indeed it was. It was not something too much out of the norm and it helped me without any major issues in my dining experience.

I am slowly learning how to use my self-advocacy skills to my advantage so I can enjoy my life more. There should be no shame in me wanting to enjoy things just because I struggle at doing something the same way that someone experiences it. I just need to work more at asking for what I need to help me in a polite and dignified way.