For as much as I have been going through, there is a part of me that acknowledges and understands that life is good and that as long as I continue to take care of my mental and physical health, there should be no barriers to being able to live in the present moment.

I do not say what I say to deflect from the many moving pieces that are happening in my life that could seem bleak. As many know, my father had a stroke two months ago today and being through everything that he and my family has been through along with me falling into relapse until it became apparent of the necessity of caring for myself and realizing that I needed to stop old habits and do things exactly as I need to, just as my father has to in order to have the life he wants, it has allowed me to see that there are things that I just don’t ever want to do in life.

Through everything I have experienced, it has made me a stronger person and as much as my brain wants to tell me of all the negativity and problems that I am experiencing, there is a part of me that realizes that life is good if I continue to have the faith and do what I need to do to stay well and handle myself properly. There are going to happen in life that are going to make us sacrifice what we want in life to accept what we must accept to help others be successful in life as I determine what life is and that I have.

It took me sitting on the bus one evening to realize that despite things sometimes being a challenge, on a personal level for me, I am the best that I have been for an exceptionally long time. It is not only accepting the necessity of adhering to all my medications along with accepting the side effects of them, but also learning new coping strategies when life gets to be a little much and in fact the next day, they became necessary and them too I have accepted them for what they are.

I could complain about everything in my life not being the way I would like to have it. In fact, my anxiety plays a major role in not allowing me to see that the things that I have in life are good. There are moments where dark feelings, thoughts and scripts will arise. I acknowledge that they are unhealthy and am processing what I am feeling along with reframing them with reality and seeing things from the total situation that is being experienced. I may not totally understand the whole situation, therefore it is important to realize that I must focus on what is important and not leave in my mind what is not.

By not allowing myself to ruminate and overthink everything that is wrong with the world, it makes the world a better place to live in and not cause me to be overwhelmed with the things that I cannot control, instead it is focusing on what is good in life, while accepting reality in a form that is more manageable for me to digest. Through that, it is being able to see that there is a positive aspect that appears throughout all the bleakness in a world that is ever evolving in a negative light.