As I am writing this post in July as America celebrates Disability Pride Month, it is also making me more cognizant to not be so stubborn when it comes to asking for extra help. Such ways as has been past practice as detailing accommodations, learning when to ask for extra help and now discovering that I need to not be ashamed when asking for help.

Indeed, my life has had its struggles and some of the major issues when it comes to my challenges are in the form of communication struggles, dealing with motor skills, depth perception and much more. It is in learning things that can make my ability to not only manage my struggles with the challenges and understanding that I have a disability.

There has long been guilt and reluctance about doing such things not only as a sign of weakness or difference, but also of both living in denial and being resistant to change. Throughout life, I have always been resistant to acknowledge that I am disabled. But I fought hard two decades ago for that determination, yet there was always the perception that I could do just as much as anyone else.

However, lately, I am realizing that I do experience challenges when doing things that others take for granted. It has been long perceived that receiving benefits is because of an unwillingness or laziness to make a change. But as I reflect and look back and real because fallings I experience, wouldn’t it be better if I would have the tools that I need to not only manage the struggles that I experience because of my challenges but allow myself to have a better quality of life too?

I have often perceived someone having a disability as someone who has a physical disability. My challenges may not be visible by all, but if someone would take a deeper dive and realize that there are indeed more issues that can be seen. Even though it is often said that autism has no look, those that are educated in neurodevelopmental challenges would see that it is apparent that I do have challenges. For a long time, I was unwilling to accept them out of shame or them being invalidated by others, but when there are apparent gestures being made, the disability becomes more visible.

Even though I have a disability, it can also mean that by seeing the universal symbol of access, which is a wheelchair, there may be a need for me to access something, such as a restroom or part of a restroom for example because of challenges related to my disabilities. It is in no way for others to pass judgment when these moments arise as to why there is a “handicap” symbol of a wheelchair why I am in those spaces. There should never be any question when facilities and formats that are designated for people with disabilities need to be used by beings such as myself.

I would have to say that I was one who would often judge those who used these spaces, devices, or aids. I have forgiven myself and repented for doing such because it has become more apparent recently that I am just like them and would not want them to judge me for the same practice or use. The same can be said for veteran spaces. When I was passing judgment, it was because I was not in a good position to think about myself clearly  and as such I was miserable about everything in the world without thinking about others that not only have their own challenges, but that I despite my likeness and what I am able to do, I also have challenges that may not necessarily need that certain device or space, but it not necessary to be making judgments about others because I certainly would not want to have that done to me.

As I am disabled, it is not a blanket get out of things excuse, it is that I just cannot do things the same or as much as everything else. It has taken me two decades to come to the determination that just because I do not “look” disabled from the surfaces does not deny the fact that I need supports to manage life’s challenges.