In a few weeks, it will be 20 years since I started day services. With the exception of being away a year for vocational training and a week last month determining the need to be there, I have been deeply invested, sometimes a little too much, but I am now taking the time to work on what I need to work on and not focusing as much in making sure the daily operations are done. After two decades,  I am focusing on my own needs instead of being the spoke behind the wheel of operations.

Although I have been extremely active in day services, there have been several changes over the years that have made me start using the services for what they are intended to do. This mostly did not start until over a decade ago when firmer regulations were put in place and there was a seriousness in having goals.

While goals can be a good, yet frustrating thing because it’s like you have to prove that you need to discover why you need to be there and ultimately it is the way that the funding is procured. In the last few years there has been a massive change in my peers that did not want to or had difficulty in meeting this criterion to be sent to other programs. It was in way scary to me as one day because of the length of time that I too would be sent out, something that I did not want to do.

Over the years, there have been many changes, but one thing has remained in place, day services has supported and been there in my roughest times. And while it was initially difficult to accept that I had been there two decades, I am now looking at it as simply a number rather than length because until the COVID-19 Pandemic, I never really had the opportunity to really work on what I needed to.

While the is not anyone’s fault, it is just what had to happen to start to get the ball rolling along with being in my current residence to grasp the seriousness of what I have needed to do to make sure that I have the life that I need to have. However, in the past six years, I have not been taking care of my mental health and as such it got me to where I needed to see a few weeks ago the need to be more serious about caring for it by getting back to basics. This was done by being able to communicate with others in a structured setting where I can work on the basics of how to get the life that I so desire.

So, in reality, I do know that I will be there for some time and that I am nowhere ready to go because there are still things that I need to work on so I can leave day services more successful and in not a way that is not a healthy or unsuccessful manner. For some support is needed and that is totally OK. I have accepted that is what is needed for me because at least not now, I  have many things that I want to work on before even considering wanting to leave or move on to doing something more community integrated. It is what works for me and I have been with it this long, so if it isn’t broken, don’t change it.