It has been a robust month or so. My father had a stroke and had so many challenges in the last month or so. Having things change on me often, many times without notice and the events that have occurred during all of this has allowed me to stop and think about doing things that I have always heard, but never really put into practice because life has always been so active, yet predictable.

• One Day at A Time. In many ways, I was always thinking about things in the future, but as things are consistently changing in my life. Things can be planned, but they can never be “set in stone.” There are those routine things that need to be like work and things that help us decompress from the issues at hand, but it has made me be willing to be more flexible and know that if I am needed for something, that it is because I am needed and need to try my best to support those that ask for help.
• Take My Time. Slow Down. I have been told this much of my life but have never heeded it because I never thought how it really affected me. This is true when it comes to consuming food. Being able to prevent overeating can help with maintaining regularity regarding toileting habits or along with having to redo things that happen because of rushing processes where there needs to be more focus given to the task at hand.
• Look Presentable. For far too long I have disregarded the need to look presentable consistently. It was not until I was able to see my father not being able to have the basic things that every human being desires such as having their nails trimmed, getting their hair cut and other related things. that are often ignored or taken for granted that others do not notice. Being able to see these things being done reignited my passion for wanting to look good and presentable without the concern to be called out when there are issues with my attire body that need to be addressed.
• Feeling Comfortable. The first time that I bought a shirt from a friend that was raising money for a cause. I was pleased that they offered larger sizes and the shirt fit more comfortably than was expected. When I expressed my thoughts to them, they replied with “well, we want people to feel comfortable.” For me who has for a long time struggled with finding comfortable clothing, I have accepted the importance of making sure that the clothing I wear is not only comfortable, but appropriately covers my body and looks presentable. Additionally, I have accepted that when I am in the confines of my own home, that it is okay to do whatever I know I can do that is safe to feel comfortable.
• Document. Document. Document. It is a saying that was taught at an early part of having the skills necessary when communicating concerns with the need to have something addressed properly. If it not documented, it did not happen. This can also be helpful when it comes to journaling to know what you are experiencing, what were the factors behind it and so forth.
• Listen, Process, Stop and Think. Having my father at a slower pace of life means that I must be patient with not only him but also with myself. Do not assume or jump to conclusions, especially if you do not have all the facts in front of you and do not realize the whole situation at hand.
• Keep It Short and Sweet. When first speaking to others, just keep it concise. Do not over explain things unless they ask for more details. Sometimes less is better for all parties involved.
• Honesty Is the Best Policy. When you are struggling, it can be difficult to ask for help for fear of being judged or dismissed. But not being honest about what you are experiencing or what led up to why you need help is not going to help the situation, it is only going to make it worse.
• When Someone Offers to Help, Accept That Offer. During this whole time, many people have offered myself and my mother the opportunity to reach out to them should you need anything. As time goes on, we are learning that things are extremely complexing and challenging on many fronts and we are blessed to know so many people in our lives that have experienced what we are going through, can point us in a direction to find help or be willing to help with things or even just be willing to listen to the issues that we are facing in life.
• Advocate, Research and Educate Yourself. When the person cannot speak for themselves, you need to be their voice to ensure that their needs are met. If you do not know something or it is not right. Do your research and educate yourself.
• Do not Rock the Boat. I remember when I first got out of residential placement over two decades ago to find the right medication cocktail. When I later met with that doctor in a small office in a clinic in my town, he said to us, “why do you want to rock the boat.” If it is not broken, do not try to change things.
• Have the Things You Need. It can be stressful if you go somewhere where things can be overwhelming, and you do not have what you need to be able to care for yourself in the way that you need to. Negative energy can enter causing extensive irritability and trouble focusing on being the person that you can be, not causing an issue.
• Lastly, Take Care of You. Life is already complicated, not doing what you need to be well and being your best when you are needed to help someone that needs your help only makes things more challenging for those that count on you to be there for you. Do whatever it takes to practice self-care and be sure to get the rest that you need to be the best that you can be.