As I have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder over 25 years ago after many years of uncertainty of even being autistic, I have always been pressured to not allow my autistic traits to come out in the open when there were opportunities to allow myself to be the autistic person that I am. Albeit, having to do many things in the way that my neurotypical peers did, allowed me to realize that I am capable of more than I allowed myself to realize, however there have been and still are times when it is challenging to be able to autistically mask from the reality of the world.

Granted for all of my childhood and into my early adulthood, there was a great lack of knowledge about how to help autistic individuals manage their lives and some of the tactics that were taught were ineffective and invalid, but as time has evolved to the current time, there has been more of an abundance of autistic awareness and more work is being done towards autism acceptance, there can still be a great disconnect within myself to let some of the traits or allow things to aid me get through the everyday life be open and present in my life because for many years they were discouraged and I was expected to fall into a neurotypical world even though I was challenged, I was able to endure them and make it through some moments that were hard.

In some degree I can deeply relate to those that do not realize that they are autistic or get a diagnosis until adulthood. This is because back when it was determined that I was on the spectrum, there was little resources and tools that could aid in the process. Systems were not properly taught or educated in the way that they are today and while I could be frustrated about that, it is simply the fact that the world was not as educated or equipped to learn how to best manage autism then as it is now. In fact, the world itself is still learning more every day.

Yet, coming from what have been the dark ages of being autistic has made me stronger but in turn has not allowed me to be as openly autistic as I know I can be. I absolutely know that there is a time and place for everything, but I do not allow myself to unchallenging the world itself has become more accepting of the autistic population and while I have improved greatly to where I exist today, there is a reality that things could be more comfortable for me if I allow myself to be more accepting of my autism and allow myself to be more open to doing what I need to do to be able to manage myself in the moments that were once very challenging for me instead of acting in ways that are not helpful or are childish in nature. It is important to embrace my autism for what it is and not hide it or mask my way of life as I had done in the past since it is being more openly accepted as time evolves.