There are times when I want to act childish in nature because there are things that make me feel uncomfortable or I do not get the things that I desire in life. But there is also a reality that I need to be an adult and do what is expected of me because I can be the person that I know I can be.

While I have been lucky most of my life as an adult to have a lot of things handed down to me, there is a reality that I do not always get everything that I want, need, or desire in my life. There are also things that I may not want to endure in my life because they may make me feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed but there is sometimes an expectation that I am to do things in my life that while they may seem uncomfortable to me at first, once they happen to me are things that I can withstand as long as I am able to cope in the ways that I need to.

I am grateful for the ability to autistically mask when it comes to having to do things that I do not particularly want to do. There will be a need for me when the moment comes for me to relax, to be able to do what is necessary for me to cope in the ways that I am able to in the ways that I can do so in a more personal and safe manner. I do understand that some individuals are unable to autisitcally mask and that is perfectly acceptable if they too have the proper accommodations that they need to have when doing the same things regardless of one’s masking ability.

As I am nearing my release from day service in a month, there is an understanding within myself that I must follow the expectations that are set forth in front of me and that I must use the skills necessary to get through the things that may make me feel uncomfortable or that I do not want to do. In the real world, there is no second chances when you make a mistake  at reacting in a manner that is not adult-like and while that can be hard to comprehend as an autistic adult, there is also a reality that I have had decades of counseling where I have been taught the skills that I have needed to learn to be able to cope with the things that may come unpleasant to me.

There was a song that I used to hear when I was young and my parents listened to oldies called, “Growing Up is Hard to Do.” Indeed it is hard to do, but I also must realize that I have grown up into the mature person that I am and as such I am expected to act in such a way that is expected of my age regardless of the way that I personally feel about something or that I want to act out to get what I feel I should get, things just don’t happen that way. It is time that I grow up and be the person that I know I can be.