As it is often said, there is no such thing as “easy” autism. Even as there are many things in my life that are in place that ensure that I am living my best life possible, from my lens, it is not always seen as that way. There are many moments when I think negatively about life and do not want to do the things that I need to do to get back on track, but eventually, I realize that nothing will be accomplished if I do not look at all the good things in my life.

I work my darndest to make my life as engaging as I can. Through the last few years, I had believed that I had done too much in my life, but eventually realized that I needed to be engaged and find new interests and hobbies to keep myself engaged. While I still haven’t found those, it is something that I do not allow myself to entertain because my brain often wants to throw myself a pity-party and think how bad things are when in fact they are not.

Thinking in a negative manner can cause me to not see the benefits of the things that I presently do like go to day service or work. It can make me want to deeply isolate myself and not see that I need to get motivated and do something that I find purpose or entertainment in. I allow myself to sulk up in self-pity about things that many times are of no purpose of value to me as if they are something that I can take out on those close to me or feel some sore of envy or negative empowerment towards someone, yet what is often thought is something that has no concern of mine and I have a hard time letting go of things that I know that I cannot control.

I try my best to rid myself of those negative thoughts when they appear and I think less of myself to the point that the thoughts get really dark, but in the end I know that I have a purpose on this planet and I intend to be my best because I know that I am needed now more than ever and things would be horrific if I would abandon the things that I am depended for on an ongoing basis. There are many things that people look for my guidance or resources for and I cannot imagine what that would be like if my skills were not there to share with those that look for them.

It does bring some sort of joy when I see my work being put into action. Yet, the recognition towards the work I do can be hard to accept as if it did not take a lot to put things into action. It is never part of me that I want to boast myself for the things that I do as if I am the greatest thing ever, but it is right to accept the recognition that is given to me as a way of respecting the gratitude of what is given to me, Even though I may not realize it at that very moment, I do realize that it is what keeps me going and engaged all along keeping the negative and challenging thoughts at bay,.

Yes, being autistic and having the other challenges that I have can be hard to bear, but there is hope that things can be good if there is a choice to allow myself to see the many benefits that being autistic can provide rather than all the challenges that it brings.