There are times when it can be hard to see through the strife that my mind builds up and be able to see all the growth that has happened over the years, despite always seeing the negative and less of what has happened in those early days when things were way different.

As we are in Autism Awareness / Acceptance month, it has been brought to my attention of how much I have flourished over the past few decades and continue to flourish to the man that I have become. It can be hard to imagine that I was once the person that hid from everything and was very selective with who I communicated with. There were even those earlier years when I was working that it was a struggle to do my job in the way that it needs to be done, but it has been those that have continued to have the faith that I have needed to have to pursue the journey that I am on.

When navigating days as an autistic adult, it can be hard to see through things that you want to have control or think should make sense or be comfortable to you, however it must be important to remember how hard it was to do things today that come like second nature to me. Even doing something as simple as “cold calling” someone on the phone or talking to someone was one of the most challenging things ever.

While it may have seemed that this was easy to achieve for me, it was certainly not. It took a lot of trial and error and learning experience to understand the norms of society to be able to navigate social norms and do the things that are necessary to be done to survive in life even today. It can be easy to regress or go to what I feel is safe for me, but I know that I have so much potential and can grow more into the person that I want to be.

It is no lie that my anxiety prevents me from being more of the social butterfly that I want to be. I know I am capable of more than I believe about myself, but I often do what I feel is comfortable to me, unwilling to step outside of my comfort zone out of a significant amount of something going wrong. The possibility of something going wrong is very slim to none, yet it can be hard for my brain to calm itself and see that everything is going to be all right.

There are so many things that I know that I can do, yet my anxiety holds me back from always taking things to the next level. It can be hard to imagine the person that I once was and see the man that I have evolved to be, yet it can be hard to believe that there is plenty of potential for growth beyond what I feel comfortable doing. Taking things to the next level seems scary but I know that once I get acquainted with things and I begin to feel comfortable, it will become like second nature to me and be a natural thing that I need to see more. Others deserve to see that side of me, and I keep holding them back or pushing myself away from allowing them to see my potential that I can bring to the table. There is hope if you allow yourself to believe what is a part of the journey if you just give yourself the chance to take a step outside of the comfort zone.