Over the years, I have struggled to accept that it is not good for my mental health to remain at home and as time progresses and things change in life that I continue to need to find things to do to get me out of the house most days of the week.

In the systems that individuals such as myself must experience, it can challenge to even get the services that individuals need such as myself such as programs, employment that is supported and many other forms of support that may be needed. I have been blessed to have been involved in a wonderful day program for two decades now that has found me my job and given me the opportunity to gain experience and grow into the person that I am.

But when you think about it being twenty years, that has been all that I have known my entire adult life. Other than working, it is something that for most of the time until I began to live independently has become a part of my daily life. However, as everyone’s life has changed during the pandemic, and in fact I was a tremendous help to the program during the pandemic, especially during the lockdown period, over the past few years since it eventually returned to what it is today, I have been pulling back greater.

In the past month, I have pulled back even greater now only attending one day a week. I am now experiencing this love-hate relationship with it as if I have in some ways have grown out of it in many ways and am living the life that I choose to live. However, there is also a realization that it has its benefits as far as it is concerned towards my mental health instead of being cooped up in my apartment letting time pass by with an even bigger void to fill.

Over the years, regulations and standards have changed quite a bit with programs such as the one I attend. There is a desire that once all your goals are needs are met, that you need to be pushed beyond their doors and into the real world. This to me in a way feels as if it something I want later this year as I need to pass a few more obstacles, however, it has me thinking that I need to do something to fill that void of time that I would no longer be attending that program.

I personally know that I need it in my daily life as far as connecting with others in the world. I do need some sort of connection and something to do as time goes on in my life. It means that I will have to do something that is different, new, or even scary for me. As my pre-event anxiety is always going to be there in my mind, I must learn to overcome those challenges that are in my mind and do something that I know that I need to do because in the end, it will be better for my mental health.

As a fierce advocate for better mental health, it is realized that I need to do what I need to do to take care of myself so that I can be my best self all the time. It is moving forward by doing what I need to do to care myself by taking my medication and following through with caring myself in any other way that I can to extend myself into the community the best wat that I can as that is the intention of what things like day programs want us to do.

As I continue the journey of my love-hate relationship with my day program, I know that it is best advice to myself to get out of the apartment as much as possible when I can, that it is not good to isolate for extended periods of time because that only makes things worse. Within time, I will find out what the next solution will be for me and where I will go when the door that for so long has been open for me will close.