This post is dedicated to my mother for her birthday. It is with utmost respect and honor that I dedicate today’s blog post to her as a dedication to her continuance to love and support me through all my challenges in life.

Love, Dustin

Autism is a unique experience for anyone. Yet, my mother was one who accepted it head on and dealt with the many struggles and even many forms of abuse I have given her over most of my life. As much as I have said I had loved my mother there were many times that I did not deserve that love. However, her utmost concern was to make sure that I was safe and got the things that I needed to be successful in life.

She was the mother of the child that was always the problem. The mother that schools did not want to confront because she fought for my rights of me more than anyone ever would, even more than the educational advocate. She had always known what I needed, or thought would be best for me to excel in the environments that I needed to be in. She wanted to have me be treated the same way as everyone else because she saw the talented side of me.

We were the first or second round of families in our community to have broadband Internet when it was not a thing in many others. With an old computer of my uncle’s, she did the research when I was seeking and after my autism diagnosis. She used our printer ink to let others know how to best help me. She also found new ways to help me when the professionals in our community did not know. The world did not know and even as she did things that she thought was in my best interest, yet in life we later learned that they were not as great as they were to be, I had to learn to forgive her for that.

One of the biggest struggles was one of my teenage summers when I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals and there eventually was the ultimatum to the system that the long-term needs of my behaviors needed to be addressed. She did many things to make that happen, including touring facilities and pushing for placement in the one that she felt was the best fit, especially when the systems thought otherwise. This was at a time when technology was not as evident as it is now.

For some time, I regretted some of the decisions that she had made for me, including that residential placement. Eventually, I had come to terms with it being the best thing she could have done out of fear of what the systems intentions were. That is why I can see through the lens of not only myself as the autistic person, but also as my mother, the caregiver of the autistic person.

My mother has continually advocated for me to push myself further than where I would be in the present moment. Once I was out of residential, we sought post-secondary options. She encouraged me to go to work at an early age and instilled in the importance of being engaged in something and not letting a dull mind grow as is not the best thing for my mental health. Over the past few years when things at my day services cause me more anxiety, she was the one who made me persevere and fight through it even when I often fought otherwise and verbally lashed out at her.

When I made the transition to live independently over five years ago, I did not make it easy on her. I was not taking many forms of my medication many times along with not adhering to the best independent living skills, there were many times when I would cause her so much pain and turmoil.

This additionally increased when my first apartment was inhabitable, and I had to return to their house. This was enhanced by the COVID lockdowns where all three of us were under one roof all day as was everyone else in the world. I regressed greatly and because of still not caring for myself in the way that I needed to, I became physically aggressive again with both her and my father.

While they did everything that they could to get me back into my first apartment, for many reasons it just was not feasible. So, I was at home with them until a solution could be found. I remember a minor outrage when her and my father took a road trip that included seeing some state parks that I had never seen, I was furious, but eventually understood their need to get away for the day as it was a very challenging time and for once some things seemed comfortable again.

Within a few months, I was able to secure a new home. However, our relationship continued to be strained because I was not totally caring for my mental health. Eventually, it would get better, however, the bottom fell out after making a very destructive decision about my medication and the bottom fell out. It was her that knew shortly after I made that decision that something was not right with me. As many times as she brought up the subject with me, I would instantly get defensive with her. That was because I was not honest with anyone at the time, hid and lied about what I was experiencing.

But she was the one that made sure that I had what I needed including a new bedframe and box spring and had the care that I needed to get back on the right track. It is with here acknowledging factors that I now realize how important it is to have the relationship that I have with my mother and that she always knew best about what I needed in my life and cares about me.

Happy Birthday Mom, I love You!