As an autistic person who has been well versed in many areas of social nuances through hard work and dedication on my part. As much as I share my talents, my life and my journey along with being resilient, it can be hard to accept compliments when I receive them. Even though I know that it is customary to give thanks for compliments that are received of me, due to the way that my brain functions, it can be hard to sense the feeling and accept the fact that I need to be proud of myself.

I have to say that it has taken me along to expand my social palate to communicate properly and express myself in the way that I feel. As you see, I am in my late thirties and as such, growing up, there were not the tools that the autistic population has come to know today.  I learned things in many natural along with some unconventional ways, such as being told continually about making eye contact to the point that it has been an engrained skill that is now like second nature.

While from the outside in my life today, it can be hard to even think that I am autistic. Since my diagnosis, I have been able to pick up on the skills of others along with some other learning points and many graces, I can mask myself greatly as a neurotypical person and as such can produce my many talents to the different groups that I am involved with along with my personal projects, including the Dustin’s Dynasty platform.

Yet, when others compliment me for the good qualities that I bestow or just anything in general, it can be hard to accept deep inside. Of course, I understand that replying to them the appropriate response is always a must, but there is something within the autistic brain that will not allow me to see that there is so much good in life and that it is hard to picture someone else seeing something good about me.

I believe it comes from years of always being told the opposite. It is not the fault of those that told me those things. It is also the way that their brains thought along with the fact that in their environment, they had their own dynamics to navigate and when our brains did not mesh together or see eye to eye  along with other things that did not bring me joy, it constantly made my self-esteem very low, which in turn caused me to not believe that there was any good parts about me in my life.

And even if I can see that are good things about me, it can still be hard to personally feel that I am worth the compliment that is given to me for the simple fact that through all that I have been through it can be hard to understand why I am worthy of someone else’s like for me. I know that I can do things and even expand myself further than what I am doing now, but there is still parts of me that cannot see that I am a worthy and appreciated person, even though it has gotten better, it can still be hard to recognize the simple things as a compliment because it has not felt that I have been worthy of it.

However, when I look at things at a deeper level, I can see the impressive things that I do and even if they are simple things, they are felt for and appreciated by others, and by them giving me a compliment, they are letting me know that they are truly appreciative of the thing or things that I do to make their lives special.

Regardless, it simply comes down to not beating myself up or having a pity party when someone is giving me a compliment. While I socially know to be grateful and accept it on the outside, I know that I need to do better and accept it on the inside too and be more appreciative in my heart and have the inertia and stamina to keep going in life.