While living independently over the past five years, there have been many setbacks with some things. It took me four years to realize that there were many dangers to destructive decisions and that I need to do better. Better does not mean perfect. However, I have done so much better in the past six months than I have done in an exceptionally long time. There must be an understanding that nothing is perfect, but within time, it does get better.

Sitting here thinking of the dangerous situations caused many up all nights, inappropriate behavior and doing things that were just not normal for me. It was at a time when I had always thought about what I wanted to do along with understanding where I stood on all spectrums of life. Eventually, after making the worst destructive decision I could, six months ago, I broke down and thankfully had my family to help me start help me along with my help of my treatment team get back on the path.

There have been times when this process has not always been on target. It has come from the skewed relationship that I had with my medication. Albeit I had to understand that all while undergoing many changes to my routine, including a workplace move, transition of my mode of transportation after nearly a decade of it being something I could count on and a robust year of changes within my workplace allowed me to begin to see that medication is something that must be a pillar of my mental health recovery.

While there are many points where I can acknowledge that, it has taken some time to reframe my mind and habits to allow myself to engage the practice of fulfilling my medication regimen completely. Without a doubt, I need to be my best each day, regardless of what my brain may feel about it. It is taking the time that I need to recover better and learn to better adhere to the fulfillment of my medication regimen, regardless of what my brain may be telling me to deliberately do. I must keep reminding myself to pick up the pieces of where I left off with when I left my parents’ house five years ago and realize the importance of caring for myself.

It is also accepting that these things take time and that nothing is perfect, but as time goes on it is getting better than it was in the beginning. I have the grounds to understand that I cannot ever make the most destructive decisions as I realized how bad those actions were and how many people were hurt and concerned in that process. It has been a deeply seeded relationship over many years that has needs to be rewired in my brain and within time it will eventually get there, but in the meantime I must continue to work better at being my best friend and give myself grace as I complete this process of rewiring and reframing my brain and my routine by following the suggestions and advice that I have been given to make my life as successful as possible.