This week I chose to take a mental health day, but I had struggled filling the void of my boredom and as such, my brain had a chance to wonder and take me down. It can be hard to get out of that pit, but doing things throughout the course of the day helps to keep my mood regulated.

I chose to take a mental health day from day services because it was Valentines Day and in addition to it being too overstimulated, my safe staff would not be in attendance that day. There were also other variables like a crowded bus and many other contributors behind that decision. Yet, there were times when I expressed some negative self-talk. Nowadays, my stress has been lowered for many contributing factors, transportation being one of them, it is rare that I get into these types of moods.

It continued into parts of the next day until late in the day that I reached out to one of my supporters for guidance of why I get this way. Sometimes, I get into these what you would call “funks” where I am down on myself and feel down, out, and hopeless. Although there are many things that make it positive, and even getting a positive email did make me feel good with my mother adding to that I am effective in many people’s lives.

Sometimes I do not realize that I do. It is more than garnering reactions and comments on social media. It is the kind words that are given to me that can generate positivity in myself, even at times when it can be hard to see through those negative times. But in those funks mostly come from the times where there is a lull or void in activity and as such the thoughts spiral sometimes out of control to the point that they can put me down greatly. This can even where I get to the point of wanting to lie down in bed and have my own personal pity party. However, now compared to years ago I now know that I cannot make it continuous and must try to do something.

There are plenty of things I can do in my home no matter what time of day it is, but it is the part of taking initiative that is the hardest. Sometimes, I must have someone to tell me that I need to find something to do so I can get my brain off thinking in the down and out state. It happens now and then, not as much as it once was happening, but there are times when it does happen, and I would wish I could learn to resolve it sooner than later.

Thankfully, the negative jabs towards my loved ones have mostly ceased. It really put a damper on our relationship and even though modifying my routine to where it is now has also helped greatly because it is something that I know that I need to do amidst a bunch of changes this year, I know that my loved ones are there to help me if I am honest about my struggles. This was shown when expressing why I was taking a mental health day this week.

I always feel guilty about taking a mental health day, but I know building boundaries and saying no when things are going to be more challenging than what I would like to experience. I was honest with my mother about my struggles, yet there was some residual guilt of taking the time for me and not doing what I have long felt I needed to do. But I did not see that there is a necessity to still sticking to some sort of routine to keep on track and not let the brain get off its course for one reason or another.

I have found that it is essential to have a plan to conquer my day, no matter what is happening that day, so I keep my brain in check and know what needs to be done to live my life in the way that I want to. Filling the void helps with mood regulation and it is also important to include it in many other factors that are important for well-being.