As vocal as I can be, there are times when I may not be able to do things on my own or I may struggle to do things that I do not know about and as such I am afraid to ask for help with things that I need help with out of fear and shame of being judged for not being a perfect or “normal” person.

As an autistic person, I have accomplished so much in life, yet because of being autistic, I struggle with things that may come easy to others that are not that way to me. When things happen that I think are silly in nature and I think they are easy for others to get the grasp of, I just feel so ashamed to ask for help or to be honest when I am struggling.

It is not that I do not have the ability to ask for help or be honest about my situation when I need to be. It is the fact that I can when I am around people that get the fact of who I am and that I they can understand and relate to my issues when I need assistance. Sometimes it is when it is the simplest of things that it seems so silly to have to ask for something.

It gets to the point when it becomes very frustrating and complicated within myself that I fear having to ask for something because I fear being judged for my challenges or of being autistic. I feel like I am a pain in the side and even though I know that they are harder for me, it is still a tough reach to ask for help especially if someone does not know that I have the challenges I bestow.

Then there is a sense of pride in me that wants to conquer the challenge of doing things that may seem simple to neurotypicals, yet when I know for a fact that I am struggling, I continue to fight literally to the death of something because I feel defeated or stupid when I need the assistance or attention of others. I feel as if I am less than what I really am because I need the assistance of others when it comes to the simplest of things. When others do it for me, it seems so simple and complexes me that I cannot do the same thing because of my challenges, even if someone may know that I have challenges.

I know that there are times when it is better for me to ask for help when I need help and at times it makes me feel so anxious and challenging because I fear the worst possible outcome. This can come in the form of being belittled or judged for asking something that is so simple and that because of my neurotype, I cannot “get” it. The world has many people with many challenges, yet I want to be the one that holds my reputation and be the one that always excels at getting things or being able to do things.

I know that not everything in life is guaranteed to continue in the manner that it does and that it is not guaranteed to always be the same. It will at times require me to call a truce and get more comfortable when asking for help with things or when I am struggling. It is always important to not cause more trouble if you do not know something, struggle with things or are just needed to express your concerns about things.

There is always a lot of talk about there being no shame in asking for help when you need it, yet I am the one who always wants to have the sense of pride and achievement and want to do or mask my way with or through things because it is easier, but sometimes we just need to find our way to being more a able to not only advocate for ourselves, but ask for help when we need it.