As an autistic self-advocate, sometimes when we get frustrated at things or we do not think that they go the way that we think they need to, we often want to tell those close to us bluntly what we think before thinking of using the proper skills. Likewise, we at times are built up with anxiety and will often deal with the circumstances and later voice them in a nonchalant way to others later after something happens.

Both examples are me at various times. There are times when things frustrate me, and I become too abrasive about what I want, and it comes across too rough. Likewise, there are times I sit in fear of the person that I must advocate to, and I would rather just sit back and let it run its course and not use my self-advocacy skills for fear of being judged or retaliated for my actions.

There could be many examples where the environment in which we must advocate for what we feel needs to be rectified becomes too uncomfortable for us that we just want to feel comfortable, and we will either just sit and bear the changes until we feel safe to voice our concerns to a trusted one or we just blurt out what we feel needs to be done. It at times can catch those that care for us off guard and they remind us that we need to use our self-advocacy skills.

However, at that point of uncertainty, the autistic brain is just flowing with too much information and just wants to find comfort and ease in what they know makes them feel at ease. It is not about getting what they want, rather it is about getting things done in the right way so things do not happen so they do not feel uncomfortable when things that they know are going to cause friction or frustration happen that cause change or delay in what could be ritualistic.

But often out of fear of being judged or not valued for what we have to say because we are often seen as less, we stand back and let things happen because we do not think it is worth it to cause a fuss. Therefore, we choose to sit back and let the discomfort apply to us anyway whether we like it or not. It is hard to use our voices because we are not often valued for what we believe is the right thing to do.

It is sad in this day of age that not all voices are valued for what they are because of a misperception of what we look or sound like can be caused unassumed competence when in fact we can be even smarter than our neurotypical peers or even a GPS system. Others are often quick to judge one by their perceived look or the way that they act or talk before presuming their competence. Just because our actions may be different than our neurotype should not mean that we should be judged or discounted because of it.

So, it is important to remember that it is important to advocate for yourself in the right way to be considered for what you have to say no matter how hard that may be in the end, it may be worth it. But if not, it is important to remember that it is important to sit in stride and continue to be confident when going through the motions so that you do not cause a negative reaction upon others.

Being a self-advocate does not always mean getting what you want. Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself and the things that are important to you. Therefore, if it doesn’t have importance or matter to you then it is best to let things run its course which at times can be hard to do, but that is what part of adulting is, bearing the challenge of what you must endure while using the proper coping techniques and defense mechanisms. It is knowing when and how to use your voice.