Throughout life I have had many difficulties. The past five years have been nothing but that a lot of the time. Sometimes you feel like you are never at the end of this battle that you keep fighting because you are often unwilling to make the change or unwilling to be able to recognize where the flaws are in the system.

There are times when I do recognize when there are flaws in the system and I know that I do need to update reflect the differences in the schedules of the routines that I must follow. However, there are times when things get in the way of making what needs to be occurring and we things we do not want to happen do. At that point, it can be hard to get back on track from the mistakes we have made because we live out of fear of being put behind the following day and have trouble adapting when we need to.

It is like a catch twenty-two about doing the things that you want to do. You know you need to do them, and you have your intentions of doing them, but old habits get in the way and continue to set you back time and time again, opening the cycle to repeat itself repeatedly without a sense of being able to get and stay on track.

There is a part of us that realizes that going off the course that we need to be on can be challenging and eventually consequential for us. We know that it is never good for us to ever get off course because of the potential ability for challenges that we face could be more difficult for us to bear and our reaction could be quite negative.

The reality is there are things as an adult that are required to be done and it means adapting my routine to accommodate them. Struggling with transitions makes it even more difficult than just getting up and doing them just as neurotypical people do them. Many think that it is simple to just switch gears into something that may be more challenging for us to endure than others and not be able to let the thing before less challenging than the current one. It can be difficult when we must let go of something that is comfortable for us to complete and change it into something that we know we must walk away from or have a challenge doing because it takes us from an environment that we are safe in.

On the other hand, being able to get and stay on track has been a long-time necessity for me and not being dishonest about things to please others and just make things be so. Sometimes fighting our fears means that we must be honest about our flaws no matter how much they hurt ourselves or others. Our fears will not be fought, nor will our fears be addressed unless we are truly honest instead of being stubborn thinking that we can always fix the problem on our own. That is why I get into the trouble that I get into. Understanding and accepting what is necessary is one thing, but putting what we need to do into practice is another thing and is something that is at times really challenging to focus on and do.

I know that I have to do what I need to do but actually doing what is necessary is something that has its own challenges because anxiety often lies in the path of things not going the way that they need to go or that things will not always not be perfect or go according to plan in the way that they should be or that I will be successful at transitioning to the next activity with ease, but I must continue to realize and accept that I need to keep going no matter how hard that It may be to keep the motivation going.