For many years, I have been living a life that has been far astray from what I truly feel. There are parts of me that like doing certain things versus what is necessary. However, when I get into those bad pattens, things go askew, and I get into healthy behaviors that are in no way the person who I am or need to be.

For far too long, I have been unwilling to accept the things that are essential for me to live the life that I must live. It is essential for me to live like I am working. To get back and forth, that requires me to be up and running early in the morning. As I struggle with transitions, I need extra time to get moving in the mornings in addition to do the things I need to do before heading out for the day.

The principal to allowing myself to being able to function well is the fact that things like medication and sleep are an absolute necessity. To have the necessary sleep that I need to be able to function in a world that at times can be challenging and complex, taking medication that aids me in being able to fall asleep with ease and get a good night’s sleep is essential to making sure that I am able to do the things that I need to do.

Having adequate sleep and medication also allows me to be able to have a pleasant experience in the world that I must travel and after having a relapse over five months ago, is part of an understanding of what is needed to be done to be successful in the things that I must do in the course of a day and allow myself to be able to cope with any challenges that may arise during the course of the day.

For far too long I was in denial about this factor and eventually, I crashed and burned resulting in some challenging outcomes. Internally, when this was happening, I was often hiding the fact that I was doing what I needed to do, although it has been told to me by my treatment team that it is crucial for overall wellness.

Life is not always fair. Yes, I have been on a wild ride over the past five years, but I was not the person that I was known to be. It brought out a different side of me, while entertaining, was not my truest self. Those that were close to me knew that things were not right and called it out to the attention of the treatment team. While I was long in denial about things, looking back and seeing where my faults were, I was able to see where I had made some mistakes and understood fully why things needed to be where they needed to be.

It can be hard to accept the reality that things must be a certain way such as having an earlier bedtime or having to do other things that may seem childish in nature and not be what you liked about certain things when you were not your best. However, it comes down to the fact that I realized that I had gotten mentally unwell and that to get to the point where I needed to be well, they just are necessary in life and no matter how much you disagree about them, they just must be.

I know that it is my responsibility to be up and running in the morning so I can go to where I need to go for the day. As much as I am in denial about things, it is just one of those things that if I want an early morning that an early bedtime is necessary and that it is essential for me to continue to stick to the necessary regimen so that I continue to remain well and am able to do the things that I need to do to be able to live independently in a world where at times it may be more challenging than others.

It is part of being an adult and knowing what you want and need to do in life and accepting that is key for a successful life as a person who has challenges and living independently is necessary.