Sometimes it takes us to see what isn’t working with us to realize that we need to get back on track and be more consistent with what we need to do to make us the person that we need to be. It is understood that being the slightest bit off course can allow us to see why it is important to not fall off the course. It is being more in-tune with what is the best and the worst in us.

For way too long, I have been on the medication merry go round of dabbling with mostly one and sometimes two medications as to whether they were doing what was best for me. There were many times when I was doubtful as to whether they were doing what was best for me, as if they were holding me back from doing what I really wanted in life.

But after hitting rock bottom last summer and starting to get slowly get back into routine over the course of the past few months, I began to realize that there were parts when I wasn’t my best friend and at times when I really needed to care for myself. There were parts when I realized that I really needed to adhere to what I needed to do but wasn’t and could tell when I wasn’t myself and other people could realize that, even if they wouldn’t tell me out of fear of my reaction. Simply put, I know when I am my best self and when I am not.

I know what is best for me and even in those times when I thought I really was my best, I truly wasn’t because my behavior was different from what was expected of me and now, I can see that with more clarity than it was in the past. I am more able to recognize when I wasn’t caring for myself and know now more than ever that medication, as much as it can be a struggle must be a continuous thing, regardless of what it is used for and that following the orders is an absolute must, regardless of what I think about it.

The truth is that people can tell when I am overly animated or not the person that I have indeed grown out to be and when things are more challenging for me than what they need to be. Sometimes, it is seeing when you are overly corrected that you see that something must be done for you to do what you need to do to get back on track and stay on track.

It also means that you need to be honest with yourself and rectify the mistakes that you made even if they may be challenging to do so. It is essential to know how you got where you are and understanding what allowed you to see where you have finally reached a conclusion in seeing the good and the bad of the situation or in my case this continual battle that I have been fighting for a very long time.

It may not be totally out of the woods for me, but there is  a much better understanding of the necessity and importance of how medication is more important in my life and how it must be continually adhered to, meaning that routines must be adhered to more and more frequently even if my brain may not totally agree with it, it is what is working for me and always has, even though I may have had my doubts and thoughts about it, there are other things that I need to do like mind my food intake and be more active at the gym or where else I can.

Here’s to the best to the rest of 2024, hoping that I can put the rest of the battle behind me and see that there is a better and brighter future ahead despite the battle being the start of the first few weeks of the year. I am realizing that there are brighter days ahead and that I need to do what I need to do in order to continue to make it that way.