As we near the close of 2023, I am starting to learn that I am a unique individual with both many talents and yet many challenges. That is part of who I am, and I am starting to accept that is who I am despite the desire to conform with the rest of the world.

This is in no way an avenue to throw a pity party about all that is wrong with me because it is not all about the challenges. Yes, there are challenges, but I have had to have an understanding with myself that I need to accept them for what they are to put the battles that I have been fighting to rest and move forward with my life.

Part of accepting my challenges is learning how to live with them in the best way that I can. That is where accepting and building a routine for me comes into play. I had realized that I never had the opportunity to live life as I ought to be the person that I really am and not being someone who I am not.

Yes, there is a uniqueness to me, it may not be the one that I totally thought I would admire about myself, and it has taken a long time for me to accept. It is understandable that everyone needs to accept things for what they are in their life. Not being able to accept that was one of the hardest things that I had to do in the past five years, and that is why I was reluctant to return to what I needed to do.

However, the reality is that when I was not doing what I needed to do to be well, I was in survival mode, only caring for what I needed to just to get by and I was not myself in other forms. I was masking in a totally different way than what would be perfectly acceptable by societal norms, yes, there are parts of that way of living that I have accepted as part of my way of living, but they must be tailored to what I can do as a person with the challenges and the regimens of what I need to do to be well.

 It is accepting that the talents that I have are unique in their own way and not necessarily the way that people my age are accustomed to or the way that society may think a person my age may consider the world to be. That is also accepting the fact that I have special challenges that just come with the territory of who I am and realizing that there are things that I must do in life that may not seem fair, but they are what is necessary for me to not react negatively or not be able to be successful in life.

There was a lot of past behavior that many in my circles would consider unacceptable and would be unimaginable for me as an autistic adult. The reality is that I have had to accept them as negative ways of life and that with 2023, I need to close the door on the ways of that behavior for what they were. Yes, there are parts of it too that can be kept, but there are pieces of what has been made easy that I just must let go with that past life and 2023.

If I am making room for the good things in my life, that means I must extinguish and shut the door on what was causing negativity in my life with 2023 and accept the new ways of living while slowly building a new routine. That is part of accelerating the parts of my life that are both what I excel in and those that are challenging and what assistance that I may need along the way as different as that may be or how I may gawked at it in the past, it is what is essential for me to live as an autistic adult and there has to be a part of acceptance on my part of the necessity that I must cleanse what was and with the beginning of a new year move forward with what is new and part of the life that I have and want to have.

It is accepting all the parts of me and not leaving out parts that may not necessarily be acceptable to those that may not want o to accept me for what they are. I am the first person in my life to accept the challenges, flaws, and talents along with the needs in my life that may be. Me being able to accept that in the first place is a huge part of starting the process of being who I really want to be in life.