There must come a point where it becomes necessary to accept the reality of what must be done to be well despite having many flawed thoughts that are unhealthy despite believing that you are doing what is necessary because of someone else and not because it is helping you overcome what is really struggling.

Being in denial about what you believe is hurting you instead of helping you is not doing anything to help you. It is only prolonging the battle and continues to bring out the worst in you and only makes you more vulnerable to having things that may not be routine become elevated because of the inability to control your emotions no matter how much you believe that you really got it under control, but in hindsight you do not.

There has been a point where I want to pass the blame on those that call out my need to get back on track. I must realize that they are only doing what they need to do to keep me well and able to navigate life’s challenges. It may be the simplest of things to do, yet it seems like the most challenging to me. It feels like it is defeating me and that I am not feeling myself when in fact it is what is helping me no matter what I do to mix it up or deny that it is not, there has to come a point in time that I just need to do what is necessary to get back on track and work in accept what I must do to recover from my consequences.

Not caring for myself in the way that I need to be only hurting and damaging myself and will take just as long to repair the damage despite what I believe defying what I am supposed to do will end in. It ends in others noticing that something just isn’t right about me and no matter what I do to deny it, it is obvious that I am not doing well. I hide what I am feeling within myself, especially when it comes to the reality, and I feel uncomfortable and do whatever is necessary to survive and eventually it makes the reality of my defiance come out as nasty as it does and then I realize that I need to get back on track.

Continuing to play the game that I was playing again and again will continue to put me on a teetering edge that at the slightest change or moment where things are not under control will cause me to become out of control to the point that things could be uncontrollable or even consequential. There has to be a reality that chances for me to get thing rectified are very slim to none at this point because of all the times I keep repeating the same behavior, therefore there has to be a reality that I need to accept that I need to do what I need to do despite what I want to believe that it is not doing, instead believing that it is doing what it has benefited for all the years that I have been following through and doing what has been necessary all along, as I have been instructed to do.

The fact that it is something that it is being told for me to do does not give me a reason to pass judgement or blame those telling me to do what is necessary. They are telling me what I need to do because despite me believing the opposite, they know that it is what is necessary for me to be well. Doing so only makes the battle worse than what it is and realizing that it is up to me to admit that I need to do what is necessary for me to be well and even what happened was fun, it only makes the situation worse and prolonging the reality of me being on track by defying what I know that I need to do.

Moving forward there has to be a reality that I know I need to do what I need to do in order to maintain myself being well in the outside world and prevent myself from reacting negatively with the circumstances I cannot control. Things have done good so well when I get back on track so I just need to admit that I need to do what I need to do for me and that someone is telling me to do it because they care about me and want nothing but the best for me and are trying to help me be my best.