As an autistic person transitions into adulthood, it can be quite a struggle for them to understand the concept of having to gain the skills necessary to gain their independence. Not having a willingness to be able to learn or have the desire to acquire the skills necessary to achieve independence is only setting them up for a delayed and stumbling life should the need arise for them to live on their own.
At a few points during my adulthood, through the struggles of my family dynamic, I had thought of the potential of living independently, my parents had even encouraged me to be independent. Professionals had believed that I would be a great tenant, even though I had my doubts about it and there may have been where I had not felt that I was ready to live independently. There was even an instance where I was pretty near the point, and I broke down in tears. When one is ready to live independently, they will take the initiative to do so. In fact, it took five years for me to process all the pieces of it.
Even after getting my first apartment and being settled, I realized that I did not acquire a lot of the skills that I needed to have to be independent, particularly in the effect of housekeeping. Not being on my medication regimen did not help this either. I had developed quite the hoarding tendencies and was not cleaning or eating right for that matter. My mother had many times stormed away from me because of my lack of care for myself and my home.
Then there was a point when I took the initiative of the opportunities that day services had provided to allow me to garner the necessary skills to live independently. For nearly a decade and a half, because of many factors, including an unwillingness to take an initiative to garner the skills necessary to become independent, I refrained from doing so because it was not in my mind, and it proved itself in the first apartment that I had. Although it was not completely the fault of having to leave it, it made me realize that I needed to be more serious about my independence, particularly about the needs of cooking and cleaning.
In the last few years, I did take on those skills, but there was most of the time where I did not take the initiative to put the skills to use. I am indeed cooking way more than I had done previously. However, I was greatly lacking in the desire to housekeep. Eventually that came to fruition, and I am now being more regular about keeping my home clean and taking care of it so it does not become a greater problem if left unattended.
It has also been a reality that I have been taking care of my mental health in recent months so there is more initiative to want to keep busy and not as distracted in screen time. Additionally, I have seen the benefits of the fruits of my labor by doing the work on my own to care for the things that I have and treasure them as such. There is a sense of pride in the way I keep my home because it is mine and I can enjoy the beauty that it provides me if I allow it to be and allow myself to see it that way.
As being a person that was often told that I was lazy and had no pride in the things that I had, I had to have the opportunity to grow and allow myself to see that there are benefits if I choose to initiate myself by doing things that I know that I can and should do. When I knew I had to, I did and did not allow myself to not care or be defensive to allowing myself to being able to learn and do what was necessary for me to understand the necessity of having to do things in my life that are essential to living independently. It may seem cumbersome in the beginning, but there must come to a point where you realize that within time, it will be like second nature and something you couldn’t imagine not doing years prior. If there is a willingness to do something, then it will be done, in their time, in their way.