As we are nearing Christmas, it has been hard for me to find Joy in the holiday season. That had changed recently when I had gone to Church and heard a reason to have and spread Joy this holiday season, despite the many challenges I have had this year, there are still plenty of joyous reasons to celebrate the time of year when things are all Merry and Bright.

To be quite honestly frank with you, the past few weeks have been nothing but bad news and changes that brought down my path. This had set my tone for celebration of the Joyous occasion in a downtrodden manner and others, including colleagues, family, and friends, had seen my downright turn to not see the reason for the season and to find joy within it.

The holidays often produce quite an upheaval in autistic people, and I am of no exception. I do admit that I dislike the fact of having to do things that are outside of the social norm. However, I have garnered enough Christmases under my belt that I know the way that things operate and am pretty used to the schedule. In the past few years, I have skipped out on some social occasions to keep my composure. It is part of taking care of myself.

Despite all the usual holiday festivities, with everything outside of my control happening the past few weeks, it was hard to see that there was indeed a reason to have the holiday spirit because it felt that because I did not have control over things that I knew were there for decades or people that I expected to be in my life were no longer there.

Many people experience grief in their own way for the holidays and I am no exception, as I lost a dear loved one on Christmas week once. It can be hard on loved ones, and while it may seem minimal in nature, when the person thought the world of you and you likewise looked to them for the support and guidance that was needed in the community, it just seemed so numb, like a piece of your life was taken away.

Having the recent switch to the county paratransit only intensified my anxiety, making survival difficult daily and I often took out on my closest loved ones because I did not have control of the situation. But, like many experiences in my life, even though it had its hiccups the first time, I am getting the hang of the situation and I feel like it will be a added feature that I wish I had added to my life many years ago. Sometimes, you must be pushed a little bit outside your comfort zone to see that I can thrive independently.

Even though I had seemed downtrodden about the holidays because of the many changes, through my spiritual renewal this past weekend, I have allowed myself to see the true reason for the season and continued to allow myself to get into the holiday spirit in my own way. I am a firm believer that many things happen for a reason. The one biggest change that happened the past week is a part of making me realize that I am taking steps to see myself grow beyond where I currently felt too comfortable and that I needed to see a different way of doing things that will eventually allow me to grow beyond where I have been stuck for many years. Sometimes, we learn that we need to start to work our way towards being more independent after being too comfortable in a situation that has grown too comfortable for us. Yet, it is not a reason to blame others or us for the lack of Joy that there can be on this Joyous occasion for celebrating the holiday season. It is not a reason to take our emotions, thoughts, or feelings out on others that are close to us or otherwise because of situations that we cannot control yet find the Joy in the reason for the season and allow yourself to see what the true meaning of the change and season is.