This week has had its fair share of frustrations and challenging intrusive thoughts. It takes seeing that things aren’t as bad as your brain is making things out to be and that you must practice an “attitude of gratitude” to see all the good things in your life for a change instead of everything that makes you so down and out.

It is no way of saying that everything in my life is perfect in the long shot. Rather, my brain has been emulsifying throughout most of the past week about some enmeshed thoughts that at times turned into scripts. These thoughts are just untrue and are no longer valid even though they were preached to me for a very long time, they just have no basis at this point. It is also the fact that I feel bad from the day in April of this year when I was a monster and caused something drastic to happen and while it eventually made things better yet challenging for many, I still deeply feel that I was at fault for not caring for myself before the event.

It would take many more months to get through my thick skull that I was the one that needed to start to make changes for the better. After months of continual mental declination, I hit rock bottom and realized that I finally needed to get back on track. Sometimes, it can be hard to realize all the hard work that has been done along with a workplace move in that time. I continually want to be hard on myself because I feel the challenging thoughts from time to time and cannot see that things in many ways are so much better.

I also want to claim all my faults for making 2023 comparable to the year 2020, in which it in no way holds a candle to. I have done so many good things even though it is hard to see that through all the challenging moments that I have experienced. I do admit that I need to work better in seeing that and work better on some things that need improvement, but at this point I am doing WAY better at this point than I have in all of 2023.

I know that I must move forward and not let the negative events of 2023 get to me as much. It is also recognizing that when those moments arise, as they do at times, I need to do what is necessary to get back on track so I do not remain in that down and dark place that I can get to. I am stronger than I think, and I need to try to do some more work to get myself out of those negative doldrums that I get into at times because I know that it can be so much better if I allow myself to see the light in the day.

I have so much to be grateful for, my own apartment, part-time employment, family, friends, food on the table, indoor plumbing, laundry equipment, technology, a great therapist, and many talents. Shining a light on those things instead of constantly pointing out all the downfalls of things that are a result of me having the things that I need to be well will pave the way in making things better for me in the long run.

Yes, I have been through so much in the past five years and many things exist that could make my life look gloomy, but there are so many more good things and I know that I need to see things in a better light than I have been and not allow myself to be enmeshed in the negativity of the past and move forward with the rest of the world and quit rehashing the past because that is not healthy in any way.

I’ve been told that life is how you make it, and it can at times be challenging to get out of the gloom and doom of life. I must realize that there is a light in everything that I must endure in life even if it may not seem like it is the way that I want it to be. There is always a reason to practice an “attitude of gratitude” in anything in my life because I know it could be a lot worse than it is.