Since having my breakdown a few months ago, I have had to come to terms with many things. Some of those things are the fact that I may need extra care and rest from doing things that I must endure and that there is nothing wrong with the need to do things that are difficult to understand or may not be normal.

In life, there are things that must be done whether we like them or not. If we can do them in the reality of the world, even if they are scaled and accommodated to our needs, as they are for me, making excuses or playing the blame game is not helpful in a way that is defensive to not making life manageable for me. It just doesn’t help the situation go any easier than it could be in the long run.

It is what can be done during the “off” time to help make those transitions go smoothly and be able to make me be able to keep functional in a society that is not always met to my caliber of needs.  This may mean the need to be able to cope with things that are bothersome and being planned when those situations arise. It may also take some time to find the right coping skill that works for you until you are able to make it worth your while. That is what the detective work in us makes you do.

It is seeing past all the negative self-talk and understanding that with some things it is a necessary evil to have the things that you want and need. Sometimes that reality is knowing that you have all your needs met and can breathe easy from the things that were once stressful. For example, it takes some financial grounding to be able for me to live on my own and that means that I must go to work. To have a ride to work means that is expected that I attend my day program every so often. Knowing that I have financial freedom after months of getting back on track and getting everything back to live comfortably means that there is a sense of responsibility that must be met.

To be well in other ways means that I must care for myself in ways that I may not completely understand but due to the plethora of information of the advocates and others have online, I see that doing things like decompressing after a day at work or at the day program can sometimes become a necessity. While using time to care for myself can be frustrating at times, especially at a time of the year when I wake up from my nap, darkness abounds, it can be more frustrating, but I do feel better when I do it.

It is also seeing past all the frustrations of what I do not have any grounding in and realizing that I must do what is necessary for me to survive in the situation I must endure. Many times, I think that I can change everything or must worry about everything, but I have no responsibility for what may occur to others. What can help any situation is the fact that I must do what I know to cope with the challenges surrounding what is going on and do what Is necessary for me. My commentary or opinion on things is likely not going to change how things are going to be unless they are crucially harmful to me or others. There are times when it becomes necessary to communicate concerns, but for the standard gripes, if my personal needs are met, then it is best to be able to cope with the challenges.

It is indeed adulting, but it is also fighting your inner battles, widening your resiliency zone, recognizing what works for you and not buying in to those thoughts that are indeed challenging for you. Learning how to cope with any challenges or the outside world that is not built for your needs along with ensuring that you have the things that you need in life to be well are crucial for you to function in society and be happy and comfortable with the life that you have. It is learning that there are things that come with being autistic and that there are ways that must be deployed to best manage the struggles that come with it and living the best life that you can.