Sometimes, all I can see is the bad in things and not allow myself to see that there is at least a glimpse of good in some things. My brain has been constantly wired to see the bad in things without having the ability to refocus my energy to see that there is a light in every situation and see past what was.

For too long I have complained overly about things that I cannot change. What good is that going to do? Well, by complaining about it and getting no response, I am going to get more frustrated and it is going to create a negative morale around me and it is going to set the tone going forward that I am unable to accept the fact that things do change and I am not willing to see that I must be the one to let go of what once was and move on to what the current situation is.

Many times, I cast judgment over something because of a misconception thinking that things are not going to be successful or pan out in a way that I am going to agree with. The fact that I am not the one behind the decision-making process can be challenging because for so long I had to think about what made me feel comfortable and at ease. But that is where I must deploy my coping skills and do what I need to do to get through the challenging times that I may not like or agree with.

There are things in life that we must endure as autistic people that are just unavoidable. That is the reality in life. For me, that includes the need to undergo things to have employment that may be uncomfortable of have change that I may not agree with or be stuck in a vacuum of how things were always done. It is me that is unwilling to move on from what was and as much of a difficulty for me it is to accept that things are the way they are, it is a necessity for me to accept the way that they are as it is my segway to keeping my employment and that is essential for me to live independently.

For far too long I have been critical of the way things were because it was enmeshed in my brain that it was not the way that it was supposed to be, instead, when things do change and I am unwilling to move on and see that things can be done differently only presents a challenge for not only me, but everyone around me because of my acting out and unwillingness to accept the change for what it is. I was continuing to live in survival mode because of not taking care of myself in the way that I needed to so I could be able manage the changes set forth, and they were not at all that bad, but I was unwilling to accept them because of negative perceptions of without being able to see the whole picture surrounding the situation.

The fact of the matter is that I allowed myself to invest a great deal of energy into it being such a problem, but I was unwilling to allow myself to focus the energy to where I need it to be, in a better state of mind and not allowing myself to focus the energy into places where it doesn’t need to be. It does no good to keep casting energy into something that is not going to change easily or is going to cause undue stress not only upon myself, but others as well.

I need to see that there is more in life beyond nit-picking on things that are not so much of an issue and can easily be distracted by coping with them in the best way possible. I have worked so much on doing what was needed to be well and not allowing myself to be willing to let things run their course and not be so critical of them by deeply focusing on them to see their faults without being kind, that is not the person that I really am, and I must be willing to move on.