There are those moments where you want to be motivated to do something with your day, yet you are bombarded with the extensive autistic burnout from the week you had. It can be a hard decision to delay things because you do not have the energy to do them, but in the end, you will be a better person in doing so.

I have admitted that over the past few months that at the end of every day of activity it is imperative to self-regulate by the means of napping or other means. Sometimes this seems selfish or wrong because for so long my brain has been taught that this was wrong due to being expected to live life in a neurotypical manner. However, I have learned that I am a much better person if I take care of myself more frequently and allow things to work themselves out as they sometimes need to do.

I am the first person to tell you that self-care is not selfish. I know that I need to take care of myself, especially after being I a contained environment such as I was in yesterday. I had experienced some pre-jittery anxiety and was reluctant to go. It was a good day, but it was jam packed along with a later dismissal due to things outside of my locus of control. But when I got home, unlike days when I would take a nap, I decided to order the traditional Friday pizza and once it was consumed, I then took a nap and self-regulated.

Then, I felt disgusted and depressed because I couldn’t produce the energy to do anything. I’ll admit that it has been a week due to some new things along with some changes in the schedule, so that could be part to blame as to why things have not been them self. I also had let some things ruminate too much and that is my own fault, but again, I allowed myself to go to bed and start fresh the next morning.

Having to put things off until the next day makes me angry because I worry that I will not get what I want to get done completed in the way that I want to. But I know the effect of not taking care of the effects of being autistic and caring for my mental health. I know that things like medications are crucial to my care and that it is better to follow through with caring for myself the best that I can.

Reality is that most of what needs done is just things that I want to do and not things that are must be done instantly. Then there are times when my family wants to do things that may not have been able to be planned in enough time for me to allow for what I had in mind that I wanted to do. It can frustrate me if I allow it to.  I know that is not a valid way to allow myself to be when others, especially family, offer to include me in their day. It can hurt when I do not take up or are appreciative of their invitations to spend the day with them due to me wanting to be selfish and not care about their wishes.

The things that I want to do honestly can wait and they are not a pressing matter. Yet, because I may be passionate about them, they can seem to be a higher priority than doing something that seems less interesting to me. However, it is the fact that there is more to this world than what I want in life and if am invited to do something and someone would really want me to do something, then I should do something that I may not have the opportunity to do some other things that can be pushed down the road.

There are more times to do things that I want to do. Sometimes things are necessary that are not my top priority, however that is the way that life is and in the end, it will be a good time, even though in the beginning thoughts, it may not seem that way, sometimes we just have to do it anyway because we don’t know if we will ever get the opportunity to do them forever.