As I had just recently returned to the office after being off for 43 days, it has reignited my sense of how important working is for me not only to maintain my residence, but to also have the financial breathing room that has in recent years became necessary with living independently.

Over the last few years of not being my optimum self, I had often said out of frustration that I would quit my job. This was because of my anxiety being in “flight mode” due to events beyond the scope of my employment. The only way that I had thought about finding comfort was getting away from the responsibilities that held me down from having to leave my home.

While some of the situation has changed in the past few months, I was becoming more unwell and almost two months ago, through a major episode, I began to rectify those issues. During the time I was off work, I was able to meet my financial obligations, it prevented me from being able to have the luxuries that I had long taken for granted.

Although, I had to work on things for my physical wellness and that included not having food from external sources as frequently as I did nor consuming as much soda as I was before my episode. It is a lifestyle change for me and has taken a lot of work. I know I need to do things to improve myself physically and that I need to do. It’s a continual process.

Through all that I experienced for nearly the past two months, I was ready to return to the office and while I was apprehensive because it had relocated to a new building while I was on leave, in the end it turned out to be much better than expected. It could be a combination of being out of the previous location, being better mentally, or both. I can breathe a sigh of relief that has finally been needed after suffering mentally for a very long time.

I know that it is important to take care of myself overall. I see that more and more as I am improving every day. I know that the lifestyle that I am living now is now the way that I must live. Some parts of it may need to be reinvented at times, but there are many things that I was not doing that I know now that I need to do to stay well.

I know that being well is needed to work. Work is necessary to maintain financial freedom and have the breathing room that has been expected for a long time in my life. I am extremely grateful and appreciative of my employer and as it was National Boss’ Day yesterday, I sent a text to both my supervisor and CEO to let them know that and I appreciate them very much. 

I know that there are so many in this world who are not as grateful as I am. Therefore, I see my job as a granted and not a given and know that I must take care of me so that I am able to perform my work to the best of my ability. That is what my employer expects of me, and I have had some close calls over the past few years, therefore it is necessary to just do what is right for me and them as well.

Likewise, I know that being as independent as I need to have required me to have some additional income other than living on disability benefits alone. Therefore, I must see the whole picture before acting irrationally and making unsound decisions about my life. I know I must appreciate the things I have in life, even if they may be challenging at times. There is more than that one thing that needs to be focused on at that very moment and it too shall pass. I have worked so hard to get where I am, and regressing is not the answer that will solve any of my problems going forward.