TW/CW: Mention of physical restraint.

Everyone has their tipping point. That point that causes oneself to erupt in a meltdown. There is often something that causes someone to reach their tipping point. Without a doubt, some people get there, but knowing how to make the outcome more desirable is key in ensuring a better comeback.

For many years, I could be angered by what can be the simplest of things. Just yesterday, I had became easily irritated and frustrated because I was having trouble with an application on the computer that I needed to access at that very moment. Because it was something that I was interested in, it caused me to become overstimulated and wanting to have the issues remedied immediately.

I did exclaim a few not so perfect works from my lips, yet this did not prolong. I was able to eventually reason that I would not be able to do what I wanted to do. Years ago, I would ruminate for an extended period about something not going the way that I wanted it to go. What is that going to do in the long run. Is it going to solve the problem that I was facing?  As I have done in the past, I could have dwelled on my issue ruining my day. Sometimes, I’ve even called people out on things I have had no business doing. In the end, is it going to make me happier? Probably not.

Decades ago, when I would erupt in a meltdown, I would become excessively physically aggressive towards others to take out my frustration. In my most challenging days, this often warranted a trip to the psychiatric hospital by my loved ones with the help of others. This was decades ago and would not be a viable option by today’s standard. Eventually, I would end up in residential treatment where loved ones were taught how to utilize passive restraints.

Upon my release from residential treatment, when erupted in aggression I would be restrained for sometimes hours and sometimes by loved ones. We now know that this was not the wisest approach to rectifying the situation at hand and now this in many cases is used as the last scenario in many environments in today’s world. I cannot fault my loved ones as they were only doing what they were taught to keep myself and others safe along with preventing me from the destruction of property.

As I became of age, I had to realize that if I was going to further my life after high school, then I needed to adult and realize that I could not act in such a way that would not allow me from doing so. However, at times I would lash out my anger at loved ones and it would be very taxing on both me and them. Through continuous psychotherapy, this waned over time. I now know that I can never act in such a way towards anyone.

After the physical aggression went away, it has resulted in only verbal abuse, mostly towards my loved ones, which is never the wisest of ideals. The last few years have resulted in me being verbally aggressive toward others on some occasions. While negative outcomes may have resulted, it has taught me that things like taking my medication and avoiding caffeine are a big help in not allowing myself from reaching the tipping point.

At times, I am reminded of the past, which can be both good and bad. The good thing is that I know that my mental health treatment is essential to daily life. However, by having these past experiences have room in my head can result in me feeling very down on myself, which is not good.

However, I know what has occurred is just history and that I must move forward.