Over a month ago after having a major mental health episode, I started to reinvent myself to this new life. It is hard to imagine that I have made the choices that I have made. I think honestly, I was scared to death after scaring so many people from the decline of my mental health and my episode. Additionally, after many years of not being serious about my mental health yet proclaiming the need to be. I was ready to move on from the mistakes I made over the past five years.

As I stated on the road to recovery, it certainly had its bumps, but when those on my treatment team now told me things that I needed to hear, I took it to heart and worked on it. I know that I was on the verge in being in a much worse situation than I was in, and I am extremely grateful to my support system for ensuring that I was safe and taken care of and now that I am finally able to see the effects of taking care of myself mentally. I know I need to work on other things too to help aid in the effects of the things I need to do.

Just because I am in a better position than I was over a month ago doesn’t mean I get to blame other things or take a break from doing other things now that things are settled. Not doing things that are needed doesn’t mean that it provides an excuse for doing what is necessary to be well in other realms. Kicking the can down the road only makes things worse and I know that.

As with anything I do, I need to warm myself up to do something that may seem challenging or unknown to me. Once I know and can excel at something I flourish and have it in my mind that I can do it.  For many years, if you told me that caffeine counteracted my medicine and heightened my anxiety, I would have continued down the destructive path just to prove my belief.

Now since my episode, I am fully aware of the dangers of things like caffeine have to my system and that I must avoid it at all costs just like someone in substance use recovery. I also know that through my personal research that relapsing caffeine will result in a very negative effect. Therefore, I make it my mission to avoid it out of reasons of health and necessity.

Over the past few weeks at my weight loss support group, I have made recovering from my mental health recovery an excuse for gaining weight. While that may be true to some effect of losses from the destructive decision I made at the start of summer, I need to do the work that is necessary to improve my weight. This comes in ways of not being mindful of what I am consuming.

While I have went to a caffeine-free, low-sugar food directive, that does not mean that I always make the healthiest food selections. I have been in my weight loss support group for nearly 17 years, and I have heard many tips and ideas on what to do to best work at losing weight the sensible way.  I am working at incorporating new foods into my sensory palate and being more active. Again, I know what to do.

I know that I have been through so much in the past month, but if it is one thing, I am a resilient person and will do the things what is necessary if I set my mind on it.  It’s just that initial anxiety when doing things that makes me apprehensive about doing unfamiliar things that may require a little bit of effort. Once I get accustomed to something and excel at it, I shine like a diamond and will come out ahead of where I left off some time ago.

This is yet another thing that I NEED to do. Therefore, the party is over, and I NEED TO DO IT.