In my life there have been many times that I wallow in feelings including self-pity, anger, frustration and others. There are also thoughts of wanting to give up, but I also know that I can be a much better person because at times I have the power to be quite an astonishing person.

I know that I have great talent and can be very resourceful to many. I have also been a good friend to many, despite the fact that it can be hard to believe or understand that it is a real thing. II think at the dark moments where I think things are bad (even though they are not), knowing that there are many people that love and care for me and want me to be here for the things I can do is the main reason why I likely never decline and keep going for the better in life even if there can be avenues to escape what is needed.

I know that I am doing what is needed to be well. I cannot deny that. Things on those accounts have gotten much better recently and I know that I am doing the right thing in that arena. It is also understanding that everyone has doubtful moments, however it is important to not remain at that level and bounce back from the dark moments. It has to and can be mainly the fact that many of those thoughts that are produced in my brain are simply not true. 

Reality is that it is essential when needed to not react negatively for attention or otherwise or to stoop to a lower level because something does not happen the way that you want. I know that it is essential that there are indeed others that see me as quite an amazing human being and by me acting in a way that does not show that not only is improper, it eventually causes me to feel quite ashamed of myself when it is done. This has happened in the past and I made a vow to attempt to not put myself in that vulnerable position again.

There have been times and I have been quite fortunate that those that truly value me have not had to witness me at my worst. Realizing how I have had some near misses has caused me to do what has been needed to get back on track and I have succeeded in doing so. Understanding that there are so many redeeming qualities in myself is what keeps me motivated in doing the right things in order to protect myself from reacting negatively. I have spent decades garnering the knowledge, coping skills and defense mechanisms in order to manage the challenging situations that cross my path. Doing the opposite only voids all those things only makes me feel horrible and sets me back further. 

Reality is that there are going to be triggering moments in my life. It can’t be denied, however I am disgusted at the fact of others seeing me in a light that is not me at my best. Granted, I am quite transparent of my challenges, however, I have conquered through so much in my life that reacting negatively is not part of the way that it needs to be. 

I have realized that not getting a grasp of my emotions in a light where others are not aware of how to deescalate me can have very consequential outcomes and many repercussions that are very undesirable. This has been brought to my attention and had a great potential to happen at a time. I had to understand that it was very important that I did not open myself up to relapsing in a way that depleted all the work I have done. People experience setbacks of this manner in their lives, but I have worked too hard to conquer the challenges in my life to have them taken away and that is what I guess is what brings me back from being at my worst.

Many great things have occurred in my life and I am finally on the right track for once in a very long time. There are many people that need and care for me to be in their lives. Despite the thoughts that appear in my brain from time to time, I know that it is essential to regroup and get back on the right track because I am needed to continue in the way things are and the way that works best for me.