Sometimes, it seems that there is a lot of work put in to do the right things, yet there seems to be no light at the end result. However, I am pleased that there is not only progress, but other changes happen to my body that result in me requiring less things in order to be well.

It has been no secret that I have been losing weight over the past month or so. It is not like the last time that it drastically went down when I was not doing the right things like taking my medication, because in fact I am following my routine to the letter in my own way. That end for the most part is working pretty well despite a few routine setbacks emotionally, but not in the way that I reacted when I was not medicating properly. Emotions are triggered for me in their unique ways and happen from time to time, but recognition of this is key to addressing it.

Nonetheless, I have diverted my focus away from the need to fill my emotional void with mindless eating. This is simply due to the fact that I no longer allow the foods that are triggering for me to enter my home as it is my own. My home is mine and it is sacred and as such I have to have the willpower to choose as to whether or not to take care of my body and I am at the point that I guess I am tired of battling the scale without seeing the progress that I have longed to have.

The reality is that I am choosing to shift my focus away from eating mindlessly to just feel an empty emotional void and instead divert that energy elsewhere. Nowadays it is so easy to be entertained by social feeds and while that at times can seem as if it can tend to be a “couch potato” kind of behavior, I simply do not allow it to be that way because I separate those functions when nourishing myself. For many autistic people such as myself there is an engrained connection to screen time as a way of being engaged, regulated and connected for a multitude of reasons.

Nonetheless, I do not allow myself to be entangled in the triggering behaviors of the past because after nearly two decades I have recognized that I had to make changes to my lifestyle. That is the reality of any start of anyone’s weight loss journey, whether they are autistic or not, if you do not have the want and willingness to change your ways, you will always falter to the ways that are engrained in your mindset and I guess for the longest time, I was unwilling to see that there had to be a different change of thought.

In reality, when I lived with my family, I was triggered to do the things that are wrong because I was one bored and had a deeper emotional void because of feeling more distant from having a life of my own. When I started to become Independent, I became unwell because I thought things that were untrue about reality and it really bit back at me. Now I am at the point that I see what I need to do to head down the right paths for both mental and physical wellness and as such, I have had medical tests recently and it was determined that I am no longer anemic. This may have been for one reason or another the fact that I was not taking care of myself for many years and had been unwell both mentally and physically and now that I am getting better, things are improving in many ways. It’s A relief and has given me the motivation to keep going.