Sometimes in the grand scheme of things, it can be hard to keep strong and do what is needed in order to be well. It can be easy to fall into a trap of dysregulation and fall towards a path of destruction when you can not seem to get a grasp of the matters at hand.

The feeling of being in a depressive slump is honestly one of the worst feelings of the mental scale of things. It is like all you want to do is cry when you have no control of what you are feeling because it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what you are feeling at any given moment. It can be hard to seem as if things will shift back into reality or there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s like there is no hope sometimes, but eventually,you come out of it.

Those periods of when I feel at my weakest are the hardest of keeping strong. It is like I think of the worst possible scenarios that can happen to me when in most places they do not occur. It can be hard to get back on track when your mind takes you off course into those deep and dark places. All in all, I know that I have to keep strong because giving up is not an option from where I stand and I guess that is what keeps me in line.

These periods where I get weak and depressed happen from time to time. I will admit that they are not as bad when I am indeed medicated. I do know that it helps but it does not solve all the problems I face as my mind does stick on thoughts from time to time and I run with them. Eventually, they loop constantly and if I do not refocus them, It is an unnerving battle and while I know that I need to refocus my train of thought, it can be hard to do sometimes because I act as if I am the one being mistreated for one reason or another when I am not.

I know I am grateful for so much in my life because I have many opportunities that autistic people do not or they know they will likely never have. It is that silver lining that I need to see at times that gets me through the rough times and keep strong because I know that so many people look forward to having me in their lives and this too is not always the case in the autistic community. I just know that I have to keep strong.

Seeing the positives and the things that are happening in my life is honestly what keeps me rolling through life at the challenging times to where I think the way I am acting is quite silly in nature. It can be hard at times to see this and realize how good I have things instead of always pointing out what is wrong all the time. I know that it is my train of thought that is flawed and that I need to restructure my thinking cognitively. This has been a skill of thought in therapy that I have been working on for some time.

I know deep down life is good and that I need to keep strong so I can do the things that I and others want me to do in life. I also know that I am deeply valued and appreciated for the things that I want to do. I am also capable of more than I dare to believe and that can be hard to imagine at times, but I know that it is true. I know that it is my flawed thinking that sometimes can bring me down to my darkest points but I can be strong and get through it.

All in all, life is good and I know it and that is what matters.