For most of my life, I have acted quite childish in nature, especially towards my immediate family. As much as my parents support them, there are many times that I am not kind towards them because I feel like I have to get what I want or that I am jealous that I can not be provided an opportunity that I think I deserve.

It is not that I do not know how to act like an adult. In fact, around most others, I am a very intellectual and articulate person that unless I disclosed or really knew autistic mannerisms, you would not know that I was autistic. It was a shock when I was meeting with someone last week and they said that they could hardly tell and even more so when they knew that I was capable of more than I let myself on to. 

However, in the life of myself and my parents, that could not be the case. When it come to things that I must do with them, I had mostly acted very childish in nature because there were things in a makeup of a routine that I would act like a spoiled little brat about and whine about or make very dark statements because I would not be able to do what I wanted and would have to do things that were adult like in nature that I may find unpleasant.

Yes, these can be things that can be unpleasant because of me being autistic, but these can also be just routine things like having to work or go to a day program. Part of this I realized is by having a great deal of unstructured time and as such would set me off course because I would not have a set routine or schedule or may not experience something as adequate as I need to. 

It can also come to the point that when those close to you go to do things that you may not agree with or exclude you or it may be something unwanted to you but because you may have had things you needed to do that were included in a trip that can cause strife or unpleasantness. This has happened to me in the last few weeks and as such I did act like a child because there are things that upheave the routine or flow of the day and while not bad, but unpleasant, is no reason for getting angry at those that take care of us and love us very much.

When the negative and condescending thoughts are given by an autistic person as a way to guilt their loved ones to feel sorry for not giving their autistic person the attention they desire, this can cause those that care for them to be very stressed and overwhelmed. Lately, my loved ones have put up a boundary of not accepting my whining and negative spewing of things that I have to and they know I can do it with ease, even though I express my frustration about something. It has gotten to the point that it has been too much for my loved ones and as such there has had to been a deeper boundary established, 

Having this boundary established makes me hurt in a way as an autistic person, but it also caused me to become an adult in a sense to realize and accept to be an adult in a way that I am to others beside my family. While I am privileged to have my own home where I can be on my own, I also understand that not all family units with autistic people do not have that privilege and as such it can be a tough line to tow.

Nonetheless, I had to understand and accept the need to grow up more whether I like it or not. It was something that I should have done a long time ago. I know now that I must do what I know I need to do in order to live my life as an autistic adult and use the coping skills and defense mechanisms necessary to withstand the unpleasant moments in my life.