Many times an autistic person thrives off a routine that they cling to for survival in ensuring that the day will be OK. However, there are times when things are abruptly changed and can cause the environment to go off course and send us into a fight or flight state of mind as an autistic person. Nonetheless, we must understand the need to hold it together in many of the challenging situations that autistic people face.

I will be the first to admit that I do not like announced changes to my daily schedule. While I adjust better now as an adult in my late-30s, it has taken me time to build a level of acceptance in that regard and be willing to accept any unpredictable event that may cross my path. The reality is that there is a potential for anything to happen in our path that could result in an unexpected and sudden change that we may not agree with. However, I personally have learned that reacting negatively or having a negative response to the changes will unlikely result in having what I want being met, rather the bare minimum of needs will be met. At times that is all that can be offered. 

We as autistic people are creatures of habit and are unwilling at times to accept that things happen and that there are times that we must adapt to the changes being brought forth and allow them to happen even if we do not agree with them. It is knowing that we must retain ourselves as autistic people in good standing so we do not face any consequences to whatever role or capacity we are in a certain time. I have always said there is a time and place for everything and reacting to things is no different.

I do understand that there are autistics that cannot mask or effectively communicate under stress and for me, when approached with something unknown or sudden, I overthink and catastrophize and at times become very hostile and verbally aggressive with those that I think will make a difference. At my last meltdown I learned that I had to better manage my control with caffeine, medication and better channeling my emotions so I do not take out my emotions all at once because my body is in hyperdrive and news to get them out. 

No one, whether that is seasoned program staff or my peers who have known me up to decades do not need to see me verbally aggressive at that level and I must learn as they do to adapt to when it is necessary to go off course from the regularly scheduled programming. Essentially, it is what caused me to understand the necessity of finally getting back on track with my life after years of flip flopping in a horrible pattern that made me a very hostile and verbally aggressive force that was at times very hard to manage.

It is knowing that I must have a plan for the times when things do not go according to the plan or they become too overloaded for me to withstand on my own. It is not giving into things that send me the wrong direction like ruminating or overthinking. It is indeed having that perfect balance and knowing that it indeed comes with understanding the reasons things are in place for me to be well and that I need to use the tools in my toolbox when I need to and even though the latter can be hard to so, I need to not feel ashamed in doing so because in lacking in doing so will indeed give me feeling of shame and remorse in the long run and I know I can do better.

It has taken me a long time to understand the need to stay the course and understand and accept that everything cannot always go according to plan and even times our plans can suddenly change, at times with little notice. But the reality of the situation is that I understand the necessity of doing what I need in order to be well and use the tools in my toolbox when I become overwhelmed or when something becomes too much.