Over the past few weeks, I have been fighting at times crushing anxiety about wanting to do things in life that is expected of me, but I somehow fight my way through it and move forward with life even if it a struggle, I somehow find the will and want to be motivated, encouraged and have purpose in life.

There are times in my life that I just want to throw out the woe is me kind of story about myself because I have to juggle so many responsibilities that are expected of many neurotypical people. It is not the fact of discounting that I am autistic or have other challenges as an excuse that I cannot do these things. These things that I do in life have come natural over the years and once I set myself on the right trajectory for wanting to be motivated and encouraged to do what is needed or asked of me, I excel quite well at it and many times without issue.

The principal concern is the fact of getting started with executing the task or becoming motivated and encouraged to become engaged in something rather than fall onto the same old loopy negative train of thought that I know is unhealthy for me and does nothing but wastes time in the end. I eventually become angered when I do hit that end of that phase of looping negativity because I had wasted so much time just sitting or laying around without having a purpose in doing what is needed to thrive in my life in a better fashion.

Once I do what is needed and head on that trajectory towards the things I know I need to do, I excel quite well and do sometimes even more than what is asked of me. There are times I get frustrated with the fact that I actually have to do them and that is when the pity party begins of wanting to feel sorry for myself because for one reason or another my brain overthinks that life is too much or that I deserve to just be hopeless and be at sometimes bedridden because of not wanting to do things that are sometimes uncomfortable for me.

It is no lie that being autistic or having other challenges is definitely a cross to bear that is many times rough and has its own challenges. However over the past few weeks, I have learned that being properly regulated is key in helping manage the challenges that I must face and that things such as medication are a necessity in aiding me in managing the things in life that I must endure.

There are many times I just think about giving up on the opportunities that are provided to me or not having to go through that new or unknown thing that adds on to the challenges of life. But in reality, there are many people I know that are counting on me to do things in the necessities of life like work and be there for what is needed. Sometimes that is where the will and want to be motivated, encouraged and have purpose in life comes from because it is there where I feel that I have the purpose to know my work is needed and valued and while some things feel secondary like having a paycheck, they are indeed quite helpful in wanting to do the things in life that would otherwise be impossible with just government benefits alone.

So you would say that I just do what is needed of me and continue to look for that purpose to be motivated and encouraged along with having the will and want to get started with something because once I get started, I find that encouragement to do what is needed.