Prior to the writing of this post, I was cleaning my emails and was watching a video on the ongoing Direct Support Worker Staffing Crisis in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. It featured a majority of autistic individuals unable to receive the support staffing to have their own independence. It made me see the reality, gratitude and necessity of keeping my independence.

The video made me how being autistic is such a cross to bear, but in reality nearly 8 years ago the thought of myself living independently was nothing but a pipe dream filled by anxiety and after some attempts that were stopped by anxiety (I honestly think a higher power cause it) before setting on my first apartment nearly five years ago, I had a lot of doubt about myself flourishing with it.

That is not to say that I have had a whole host of issues that were both and not my fault and as such in 2020, I had to forgo my first apartment and luckily five months later I landed on my current one just three blocks away from the first. Some things have improved but lately I have been seeing more and more signs of reality with things that I need to take care of in order to maintain my independence and not have to seek the assistance of outside support.

I without a doubt know that there is a staffing crisis in support staff across the Commonwealth in which I reside. Opportunities are shuttered because of the inability to staff and honestly the staff in place are overworked and underappreciated, thus causing burnout, turnover and additional struggles. I also know that I cannot overburden my parents with providing additional support as I know that they do so much already by transporting me to where I need to go that other services cannot provide.

Having seen the video and having many other reality checks in the past several weeks has made me realize that I cannot take my independence for granted, that I need to instead be grateful for the opportunity and not do foolish things to place myself in jeopardy of losing my apartment or independence. It means that I have to be an adult and do what adults do, because in reality, I am one and should be treated as such because I have been bestowed that privilege.

We all sometimes want to do the things we think we want to do with our lives, but in reality when it is you or others, then you have to stop and think of all the accomplishments you have made to get to this point and have the reality check of what things could be like if they were not able to happen. It is being real with yourself and seeing that you have to do what is right because in reality life will be so much better for you and everyone else around you and that not having things such as your independence puts you in a compromising position where it could cause tragic and less desirable outcomes. I know and see it quite often. It almost happened in 2020 to me and I NEVER want to get to that place again.

I deserve to live the life I want to have and even make it better someday, but I will never get out of the rut i am in if I do not do what Is necessary to maintain my independence and by seeing the reality of the dynamic, valuing it and being thankful for my independence and accomplishments will hopefully get me turned in the right direction for much desirable outcomes and bigger and better things, because I deserve after all these years.