As an old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force him to drink. That has been the case in both my mental and physical health journeys the past few years. While I sometimes throw smoke and mirrors as if I am doing the right thing, behind the surface for a long time I was hurting and I think I finally found out that doing that will eventually catch up to me in the end.

It is the fact that a lot of the time I did not do what I needed to do oftentimes out of sheer ignorance because it is hard to accept the fact of some things in life because of having to essentially grow up and be the adult that is expected of me. But, when I am being mentally and physically damaged as a result of not doing what is needed in order to be well or maintain my independence to the standard that it needs to, then it causes concern among those on my personal support team.

While it has taken me some time for reality to sink in, I sometimes have had a flawed sense of theory of things about what I could not do or what things in reality caused me without giving things a chance to let it work. But, I am at a good juncture in my life where I deserve to live my best life and if I want that best life and even better someday, than I have to do what I can and what has been proven to work for decades because it is such a simple thing and there is no reason to be a jerk and ignore the simple things that need to be done to protect my mental health.

When it gets to the point where it causes concern for my mental health treatments to be uprooted or changed because I am not being honest with those I need to be about what I am doing to take care of myself, it set me in a place to where I had not given the current situation a chance and let things work out for the best before weighing other options. I have been flirting with disaster for nearly five years now and I must understand that I must stop messing around with treatments that have been proven to work to the best of my knowledge.

The reality is in all my five years of being independent, I have not nearly given my body the chance to do what is right for an extended time and more and more I was flirting with disaster and more and more people think what they are doing for me is not working because I am not being honest with myself. It has caused concern and incidents more often over the past few years and it has been a continuous game of up and down and I just need to get real with myself and try to spend the next few months getting serious by doing the right things continuously for a change to see if indeed the treatments are actually effective, because I have not given the opportunity for them to do so in the course of my independence.

It is what is needed to at least try to change anything before rocking the boat and seeing if I do indeed need to make a change with things. I know for the most part I feel good when I do the right thing and in order to see if things work, I need to be more adamant about being more regimented with my mental and physical health regimens. I deserve to be after years of being in a sheltered residence with my family. I have the capability to live on my own and having the access and quality to better treatment only makes things manageable and as such I deserve to live my best life for once along with researching better ways to simplify my independence.

I can do things if I want to. My thoughts and myths all along have been flawed. Over the nearly five years I have proven time and time again that there were many fallacies in my theories, but many times they backfired or were proven wrong. But I know I can do what is needed if I want to move on and now in my late-30’s I deserve a slice of happiness in my life for once!