Throughout life I would say that I was spiritual. From the time I was a toddler until the time I was in the third grade, when I started acting out, I was the one to go to Sunday School and later Worship in the one church of our town because that is what my sister and I did. She was very active in the Youth Group and she had responsibilites with so as a family we attended alot of activities. Furthermore, I was in the Junior Choir for a few years.

However as I got older, for one reason or another, I got detatched away from the church, although I worshipped regularly. At the age of 14, we would have a change of pastors and also that would be the time that you could be confirmed and be a member of the church, although I was baptized when I was 10 because of one reason or another we had issues but realized the need for it to be done, as with my cousin and another family friend. Howver, I was experiencing symptoms that prohibited me from being confirmed from the church.

Years would go by through the hospitalizations and the residental treatment. Afer such, I ended up at a little country church on the mountain where I would read the bible on the week, and I even had my sixteenth birthday there.

However, I continued to have a disconnect with God.

In Senior High, we had club meetings during the day every other week. As such, it was  suggested that I join the Bible Club, and I did and was active in that by attending the annual See You At the Pole Servives, participating in missions donating bibles, you name it.

However,  I still had the disconnect.

I would graduate High School, attend trade school and be further away from God, however when I had trouble I knew he was there.

Years later, while that pastor was there when he before I left the church as a teenager would visit our house and I would go to church again, be confirmed and affirmed as a member of the United Methodist Church, of which I still am a member today.

However, I feel disconnected from a church itself.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I would be provided a service in a home and I would talk to a professional about myself and he said words that I would never forget.

“Jesus Loves You”

I don’t know, but it called to me and he found online resources that met my needs and although I don’t feel comfortable attending a church body for one reason or another, I find peace in having a small spiritual area in my home and having morning devotions in the morning, even using a free bible from a thrift shop that was created for a camp that is easier for me to comprehend.

On days I am at the hospital gettting weighed or working out, I do those devotions in the hospital’s chapel, usually two days a week, to get that reconnect, also recently I went down to the river park and did devotions there.

I have felt spiritually connected in one way or another.

Last month the vocational program went to the local United Methodist Camp where they have a large steel cross that overlooks the county seat. This was a week after being medicated, the staff attending said you couldn’t wipe that smile off my face of how happy I felt overall.

For the moment, I am well spiritually and I will be satisfied overall