It has been two years since I last relapsed. I had a real and honest conversation with those who cared for me. I knew that taking care of my mental health was important. It took some time to fully understand the value of being honest with myself. But I am finally in a much better place. I have seen and felt what even the slightest destruction can do to me. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.

Until I began to live on my own, someone usually checked my mental health. They would notice and understand when I neglected to care for my mental health. When I moved out on my own, I wanted to believe that I did not need medications to live. For the longest time, it was hard to have stability. I couldn’t accept that it was necessary. I had to do certain things to get through the day. I needed to understand that I had to let the medication do its work. It had to build up in my system. This needed to continue until I was living the life I had known. This was the life I had before things had gotten worse.

People close to me had shared their concerns and fears about my safety and well-being. I had often thought they were ganging up on me. They wanted me to do what they wanted without me knowing the consequences. I missed the dangers that would happen if I had continued to go down the destructive path. I went down that path several times over nearly seven years. I couldn’t get past what I was feeling. I couldn’t even recognize how down and out I felt or how I was acting. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and see how bad I looked. I was in denial and being dishonest. Knowing that dishonesty was a sin made me realize I had to be real. I wanted to understand my walk with Jesus Christ in 2026. This allowed me to see that I was not caring for my mental health as I needed to. It wasn’t reality. How I was feeling wasn’t normal or real for me either. I had to be honest and real about my mental health once and for all. I wanted to become a better Christian. I knew I needed to get back in my walk with Jesus Christ. I realized I wanted to start doing the right thing once and for all.

I had to get real with myself and make my mental health a priority. I had to put it first in my life. It came before my faith, my job, or my family. This was because it was expected that I was doing that when I was not at all. I started to forgive myself for the sinful and improper things I had done over the past several years. I began to go down the right path. I aimed to do what was expected of me by being real about my mental health. This honesty gave me the ability to follow the expectations of the outside world. I wanted to become a better person in body, mind, and spirit. I aimed to take care of all dimensions for the right reasons. I worked to squelch flawed thoughts, theories, and myths once and for all. I needed to be in the right mind to recognize they were not true.

Now that it has been two years since that bad spot in my life, I am overall better. Nearly halfway through what has been a pretty good year, I am making progress. I am making more sound decisions and prioritizing my mental health.