Throughout life I have seen the signs of what being mentally unwell can be. I looked back over the past several years. Before I understood the importance of caring for my mental health, I noticed many worrisome things. Understanding its importance, I realized many things caused concern. I also noticed how many times I worked twice as hard to conceal them from being known to others. Eventually, I realized that despite my hardest efforts to hide how I was feeling, the truth would unravel. Others would become aware, and it would be brought to me as a concern. I realized I did not want to live like that anymore. I chose to live the life that I knew was best for me. This way was how I was taught.

I wanted to keep the way I was feeling a secret. I also wanted to believe that I had things under control. But the reality was different at times. It would get to the point where others would be concerned. I no longer wanted these issues addressed to me. I was tired of having uncomfortable conversations about being caught in a lie repeatedly. I knew I was flirting with disaster time and time again. I had to make things right in myself. Once I became lucid, I started to see the dangers. I realized the realities of what would happen if I continued down the destructive path I was going down.

There was another reality. I had worked so hard to live independently. I did not want to become a failure in that arena. I did not want to show to other people who respected and valued me. Many of them did not have the ability to do what I do, yet they desired that opportunity. I had failed at it by doing something so simple. It was the one thing that was stressed to me repeatedly, even by those who opposed them doing it themselves. They had seen how vital it was for me to be my best self. I was defying their constant reminders of what needed to be done.

In reality, it was the common denominator that had caused me to unravel. Over time, when I got back on track, I saw the signs. I became more aware of them, so I knew to slow down and take care of myself. There was a reality that I had to come and learn the hard way and that I did. I feared what the reality would be if I had not taken care of my mental health. I also feared what would happen if I had not done so. I knew there are many people who look up to me. I didn’t want to fail them by being someone I didn’t want them to see. I also wanted to make sure they wouldn’t repeat my mistakes.

I had worked too hard to get where I am today. By recognizing the signs in myself, I see the dangers and realities of not taking care of my mental health. I understand how important it is to take care of my mental health every day. No matter how tempted I am to stray from the path set for my success, I realized that I mattered. I want to continue being the person everyone has come to know and expect me to be.