A Journal Entry

You Will Be Better

After experiencing an excessive amount of sensory input yesterday, it has been on my mind that I should just not head out and go through the motions today.

As always, I get into constant loops about this, it robs me of time and energy that is built up, then that makes me even more angry.

From March 1, 2022

In these moments, life for me as an autistic person is two-fold, one is constantly second guessing what to do and the other is the initial onset of not wanting to do something because of the excessive buildup of adrenaline and cortisol.

The weather forecast for today is to be sunny and in the 60s, thus making me want to ditch the day even more enticing.

But, I have to face reality. Could I really feel the excessive void of time in my day if I followed through with my thoughts?

I know that not going would only transfer my second guessing to “What if?” to “Should’ve I?”

We’ll be no better off than where we started off in the first place and we’ll only burn more useless fuel on irrational, ruminating thoughts that make no sense.

Unlike yesterday, there is not an immediate need to go to sleep. I do not have to be in a rush to go to bed.

I have recovered from yesterday. My body is refreshed, and I can only take care of myself the best way that I can.

It is recognizing that these thoughts are only renting space in my head and once I get out the door and on the road, the intrusiveness of them will be gone. I can only think of how good I can make the day ahead and use it to the best of my ability.

Taking care of myself and doing what am known for. Being a role model to others that look up to me to be there for them. Being my best self for me and getting the services that I need and are provided to me.

It is knowing that following through today’s motions and being the best that I can be, I am the better person, not running away from my problems. I know that I will be fine as I go through the motions.

Have a good day today, followers and stay safe out there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s