Throughout much of my life I have wanted to make others feel bad in one way or another. I wanted them to feel bad often. I felt bad about myself. I wasn’t allowing myself to see the blessings and to be happy about them. I knew it was hurting others the way I was treating them. Even thinking about doing those things to them made me feel unhappy. Knowing I had the power to choose happiness was crucial. It allowed me to bring healthy attention to myself. I stopped putting down others.

I used to put down or call out others for things they had done or should have done. I felt some redemption and thought I had peace of mind. I believed that was healthy. Later on, I learned that behavior was not healthy. It was not the person I needed to be. I had to let go of acting that way because I knew it was wrong, and it hurt people. I had also wanted to energize people and provoke them. My aim was to make them feel bad for how I perceived they were treating me. This was without understanding the whole situation or story. I had to let go of beliefs I had about these situations. I had to understand that improving my current situation is much better. Returning to past ways would harm my mental health and allow past cycles to repeat.

I eventually realized that putting others down along with my negative self-talk was unhealthy. Allowing irrational thoughts to entertain me was only setting me up for failure. I realized I needed to be willing to let go of what no longer had the power to hurt me. There was so much to be happy about in my life. I allowed myself to be brought down by thoughts that I knew deep down were not hurting me anymore. I had to understand the importance of controlling my thoughts. I stopped allowing unneeded negativity to occupy my mind. These thoughts were not necessary or worth believing in.

I needed to face the reality that I should not indulge in activities that brought myself and others down. These were things I turned to when I was unhappy with myself or my situation. Instead, I had to focus on the aspects of my life that were going well. Recognizing that my life improve, I needed to grant myself grace and kindness and extend the same to others. We are all human and capable of making mistakes. It was crucial to move away from past behaviors and thoughts. Doing what was right and working on self-improvement was necessary. I had the opportunity to be the change I wished to see, if only I allowed myself the chance.

I no longer choose to put down others. I do not call them out on the things they did in the past. I refuse to allow myself to think about those things. I know that was history. No one is perfect. Mistakes happen. People can learn and grow from them and do amazing things just as I have. Part of that growth is not allowing myself to behave and entertain the unhealthy things of the past.