Throughout my life, I have wanted to fit in and not stand out. It cost me many things. It was sometimes the driving force behind some of the destructive decisions I made towards being unwell. I knew it was crucial to do what was needed to stay well and healthy. I learned that no one sees what you do every single moment of the day. You don’t have to feel like you belong or do things to put yourself out there all the time. You can carve your own path and live life how you want. No one will judge you.

Life had taken me down roads. I had no business going down these roads. I wanted to fit in and be wanted by others. That allowed me to meet some of the people I am connected with in a healthy way. But it required being real with them. I was not someone who I truly was. They needed to know and accept me for who I was and what we wanted out of our friendships. We mutually agreed on things. We did what was needed to get through life as I needed to. I did what was right for me. I knew I didn’t have to share my whole life with everyone. I didn’t have to try to do things to be a part of the crowd. I didn’t need to see others do things to belong either.

I had to let go of the ways I had led myself to believe. I needed to start working towards the path I wanted to carve for myself. As life went on, priorities changed. The world changed too. I realized that I had the power to live life as I wanted. I do this without being judged or having to share every detail with the world. It also took being aware of the world around me. I needed to recognize that there were people with bad intentions. I had to acknowledge the ability to have unwanted things shared by putting them out there. It also meant doing what was morally right and knowing lines that dare never be crossed.

I realized there was no real power in wanting to impress or connect with others unnecessarily. I allowed myself to meet people in my life by connecting for the right reasons. I stopped judging or being envious of them for what they did. I also stopped thinking things were wrong for my own wants. Instead, I understood there was no need to impress or push myself into unhealthy or unwanted situations.

I had to understand that social norms and pragmatic expectations needed to be followed. These were necessary to succeed in this world. By doing what it took to be well, the behaviors of the past began to wane. I started to see that I did not have to repeat my past actions or beliefs. Instead, I started to carve my own path. I did what was right and wanted by and for me.