Over the past seven or eight years, I have often mentioned my struggle. I battled to accept and understand one of my mental health medications. It was a constant battle that I was fighting day in and day out. Sometimes, I even ignored its necessity. Eventually, I realized I had to be honest with myself last year. I knew I needed to take the necessary steps. This realization was crucial to get on the right path out of the battle.

Early on I was led to believe that it helped me sleep better. And while it is a proven fact that it did. At the start of the battle, I would forget to take it. Then the battle would start. The disease it was meant to help, along with autism, made me feel that it was unnecessary. I sometimes felt that other medications were unnecessary too. Each time I was deeply in disbelief led those close to me to raise concern and fear. Several times I would defend myself until I had the candid conversation that I did not want to have. Eventually, I worked my way to becoming more consistent. I realized I had to stay on top of all my medications. This was the only way out of the battle I was fighting.

I had the theory of sleeping deeply engraved into my mind. Still, I feared missing the bus to where I needed to be. Because it happened one time, I let that live in me as reasons why to not take it. This happened even when I was fearful of missing the bus. Despite taking the advice given, I made sure I was up in ample time. This allowed me to do what was needed before heading out the door. I couldn’t shake the idea of letting go of a theory that was baseless. It was not even true nowadays. I realized I had the power to do what was necessary. Then, I started seeing the way out of the battle I had to face.

Being in the battle is what held me back from thinking about doing so much. I reached a point where it was necessary to care for my mental health. I did this by taking my medications exactly as prescribed. Knowing that the edge I was experiencing had subsided was an added bonus. It showed me how essential this care is not just for sleep but for my mental health. It gave me the power to exist without continual fear of wrongdoing. It also helped avoid dreaded conversations when others feared and were concerned for my wellbeing.

I had to finally understand that I needed to stop playing around. I realized the only way out of the battle I was facing was to do what needed to be done. I had to focus on doing what was necessary for me, not anyone else. This was out of my own necessity and sanity. It was also crucial for those who depended on me to be my best self. Caring for my mental health was essential for getting out of the battle in my head.