Carers try to find out what autistic people with higher support and communication needs need. They focus on signs of distress or other worrying feelings. The same approach applies to those on the spectrum, like myself, who can speak or navigate the world independently. Many think that we know what we need to do when we are not feeling ourselves. They believe we can problem solve what is bothering us. Still, there are times when we don’t see what we need to do to feel better. We do not know how to get our brain out of a situation.

No two autistic people are the same. It often takes detective work to find out what makes things better for us. The way we carry ourselves doesn’t always show it. However, the things building up within us can produce excess energy. This excess energy and feeling can make us overwhelmed. We feel what we feel. Sometimes we know what that feeling is. Other times, it can signal something else we need. Maybe we need something to eat or drink. A restroom break or even a nap can be helpful. Doing these things can make all the difference in our demeanor and improve how we are feeling.

Sometimes the signs come all at once or can be pretty obvious that they are necessary. We need to feel our bodies. This helps us decide how to care for ourselves. We need feeding, hydration, toileting, or just rest in ways that help us. Sometimes it is so obvious. It can be hard to do anything else but get the rest we need. This can throw our day off by disrupting our routine. At times, it is what we need more than anything else in that moment. It took me a long time to understand. Even when I adhere to my medication regimen correctly, extra rest is sometimes needed. This is especially true when our days are longer. Sometimes things get to be too much, or our emotions are overloaded with too much energy and drain us.

I had to learn that there is no shame in needing a nap. There is also no fear when I can and need to do it. I spent too much of my life believing that I was just fine. I did not let my body be what it needed to be to understand my baseline. This made it hard to see when things were too emotionally overwhelming for me. I realized that by taking a nap, eating, hydrating, and toileting, things would eventually get better. I only needed to do what I felt the need to do.

I learned to be patient with myself and have grace. This helped me understand that things are just too much sometimes. Doing what our body tells us to do can help tackle issues. It’s important to document what solutions worked for the problems at hand. Finding the solution can bring relief and make us feel better. This gives us one more tool in our coping arsenal for tough moments.